Back in the day

I'm too old for the house parties and staying out until dawn. I'm too old for drinking in that car park and catching that train home in the morning for you have partied all night. 

Those days were fun but in reality things have changed. I earn well into the three figures, i can afford everything i want and life just keeps getting more and more prosperous. 

The thing is i have made it. Now i need to learn to enjoy it. Back in the day it was fun. But its in the past. I had a blast back then. This is a different era. A different point in time. 

The key is to figure out how to enjoy it....

Back in the day

I'm too old for the house parties and staying out until dawn. I'm too old for drinking in that car park and catching that train home in the morning for you have partied all night. 

Those days were fun but in reality things have changed. I earn well into the three figures, i can afford everything i want and life just keeps getting more and more prosperous. 

The thing is i have made it. Now i need to learn to enjoy it. Back in the day it was fun. But its in the past. I had a blast back then. This is a different era. A different point in time. 

The key is to figure out how to enjoy it....

Missed connections

Dear N

I think of you today and of the days when you were into me and i was not. We were best friends, hanging out every friday night. 

I had a picture of something more in my mind. The thing is i met my fantasy man and i got burnt and i realised that fantasies don't always lead to happiness. The thing is I've been burnt by fairytale men and i would love to run back to your arms.

The things is your engaged to another.....

Every moment i have lived, i have done the best i could

The things is, I have given it my all. Even when i have been passive, it was a moment in time when i wondered if my drive o live each moment was where i really wanted to be.

The things is i am an amazing person and somewhat on the top of a food chain. I need to meet a man that can match me. 

And i learnt some lessons

Through G were some lessons learnt. That living life in the shadows is not worth it. Being passive and lifeless is not my style and most of all, by saying nothing and living in the shadows waiting for life to happen, you risk everything you have.

Life is about embracing each moment and making it what you live for.

Thankyou G for i have learnt a lot. Mainly about how not to make a man fall crazy in love with you.

I still think we are perfect for each other. I have thought this about many a man before. Sometimes i am wrong. 

I feel down (again)

One of those days, or perhaps its been one of those weeks, months. I feel down. Is it the pill i have started back on or is it that life is really shit right now?

Work is going brilliantly. I go from strength to strength. Sure it takes up way too much of my time and a certain amount of stress. But who can really say no to earning a heap of money and then the possibility of even more.

But friendships and love. Some things are just not right. I'm 29 and i want to settle down. I meet plenty of men but never the right one. My standard so high only a rare few will be able to seep through.

Then the one i crave for, he has turned the other way. 

Why i love my blog

I love being anonymous. I can tell the world about the real me.

That i earn a three figure salary and will probably one day get to seven figures and will become a CEO but that i also have an alcohol problem, i see way too many psychics for advice on life and that i I'm crap at keeping men interested. 

Struggling to keep fit

At times i'm hitting the gym, going for a run, heading for a swim, climbing mountains and at my peak fitness, looking my best, working crazy hours, drinking lots and having an ecstatic time with life.

Lately its slipped away. The weight is piling on. Those jeans getting a tad too "skinny" and a muffin top well under way.

I need to get into it. The thing is i know i'll feel great when i do. Its just hard to be motivated all the time. 

Perhaps there will never be a him

Sometimes you can live your life in the shadows. I don't think for the most part i do. But then again when it comes to relationships and falling in love with a fairytale, i live in my own fantasy world. Sometimes the men slip away as my fantasy world is so great, they don't even get a foot in the door.

The thing is lately, i've been thinking that perhaps i will never meet the perfect him. That perhaps i am ok with that.

I meet plenty of men. I think i always will. The thing is the right ones don't excite me. The latter has immense emotional issues and causes much distress.

Then i think about how i have it all. Ocean views, earning enough for two, even three people, a striving career and a touch for thrill and adventure. I think of what's excited me recently.  It was the possibility of climbing a glacier, learning to ice climb, attempting some of the highest peaks in the world, writing that business plan for world domination...It was also moments spend with family that i value so much.

The latest thrills were not about him or falling in love. If anything they represent the sadness in my world.

So perhaps i do not need him. So perhaps if i do not meet the man of my dreams thats just A.Ok with me. Perhaps i will be happier this way.

I can keep dating. I will keep having men in my life. He just won't be a soul mate thats all. Perhaps because that soul mate doesn't exist. Its too late. I've learnt to live on my own and now no one can stand up and shine. 

On the round-about of friends

There are friends i have given up, and then there are new ones i have embraced. This time again i forgot one important lesson i have learnt over and over again.

Keep your old friends gold, and you new ones silver.

And so i barely kept in touch, i moved to greener pastures. And now i want back in. They open their hearts to me. They buy my excuses. Its time for me to do my part in the friendships of the world. The world that surrounds me. 

I will keep all of them. Value them. Respect them. Friends are the life line that keeps us moving forward. 

Today i put my social life and myself first

I had that presentation to do for the Asia Pacific director. The all important make or break one that i seem to be doing each week.

And this week i put me first. Its my sunday night and i went out and then i chose to chill, listening to my tunes. Work takes up so much of my life, i will never get anywhere if i don't focus on what really matters.

He's just not that into me

I could have figured this out months ago but there is solace in knowing you have done all you can. The biggest fear was that i threw something away by not giving it my all.

No amount of pulling and picking will help. I sent out a lifeline and he chose not to take it. Its been a week since i called and nothing. Time to say goodbye.

He's just not that into me.

Something inside me says its not over. But perhaps i am just clouded by it all. I thought the world of david too, and of M and if many a man. Who's to say that G is any different.

Life on the road

I'm good at sudoku because Qantas pushlish's two puzzles on page 140 of its in flight magazine. If they published something else, i would most likely be good at that. I'm a whiz at the first one but the second one always takes many attempts but i always somehow manage to solve it before the month is over and another magazine rolls in.

I'm glad i called him.

Its like this massive weight has been lifted. I kept thinking i didn't give it my all. That perhaps i just seemed disinterested, somewhat sedate.

Well i called him the other day. Let him know it would be nice to hang out. I've done my part in the scheme of the world. I somehow think it will all work out.  Yet if he never contacts me i have my answer. Although i see clearly that, that will not be the case.

He will call me in his time. We will go for that run. We will have our smiles and our jokes. We will connect and fall in love, only to live happily ever after - as we have done in so many lifetimes before.

We are meant for each other babe. I hope you see that soon and act on it. 

Maybe i am just brilliant

Sometimes you think its all a fluke. The thing is, when it happens over and over again. Its not fluke.

Perhaps its the fact that working till midnight is not such a strange concept. Maybe its just that i can pick up the phone and make a quick decision. I am where i need to be.

This is where i belong. On the management team, making the world spin.

One day i will be running my own. Because that me. Because that what i know. Its what comes naturally to me.