Fairy tales are difficult to live up to

Have i had too many moments that take my breath away. Too many men that make fairytales come alive.

You come along seemingly normal. Calling after eight days and all i am is disappointed for you not turning out to be a prince charming.

Yes - i wish you were another man.

Insecurity

I feel hurt. I really do. I trusted him and let him into my life. I needed to hear from him the next day to say he had a wonderful time with me. I waited patiently. He messages after eight days with something lame. Nothing to even hint that he has fallen in love with me.

I'm hurt. I have tears in my eyes. The man of my dreams would not treat me like this. It sets a precedence.

Every man in my life has hurt me to date. He is no different. The tears are streaming down now. I tried to trust you. and i did. I let myself. And you ignored me.

I don't trust my best friend. I don't trust you. I hate you all.

Sometimes i just want to run away. I'm too scared of getting hurt again. Are you worth it? Can i trust you. The answer is no. 

And he finally messaged

Sometimes with men you just need to sit and wait while they put you through hoops. Perhaps even let them simmer for a slight moment.

he finally messaged. I still haven't.

I'm just a little more cautious. The wall sneaking up a tad.

I think i still like him. Perhaps, maybe...

Feeling a little bit deflated

Not sure why he can't call to let me feel special. Tell me that he's thinking of me.

Perhaps its all over.

Not sure if i am over reacting

The other day when you said goodbye, you held onto my arm ever so gently and said you would call. All night you held me so gently. You told me i didn't have to do anything i didn't want to.

You won me over. All week i have been thinking of you. I have been falling asleep in your arms each night in my own imaginary world. I wake up thinking about you.

Yet i hear nothing from you. Did it mean nothing to you?

Its so hard to trust a man. It makes me cry. Sometimes you think of all that could be, and believe in it so truly.

I'm starting to like him. He seems to be fading away.

Even the nicest of men can hurt

I gave him a blow job on saturday morning. Its thursday night and i've still not heard from him.

Perhaps he is just not into me.

fresh out of the packet

There are merits in dating a younger man. So he's not so Young being just three years the other way but add my overly mature self and his oh so cute fresh out of the packet innocence, it feels a tad more that three years apart.

So sweet and lovely, blurting out the truth and effectionate to boot. Hasn't quite been jaded by the women of the world, not sure what he wants in life and a little lost while at the same time not wanting to place any roots anywhere. Reminds me of a younger self who wanted to explore the world and kept running in out of the worlds of building lifelong connections and exploring the infinite possibilities of life. 

Its refreshing to be with someone like that again.

A Spectator in someone else's life

Sometimes i watch other peoples lives flow by, mildly curious about the mundane nature of what makes the world spin. Becoming a manager i get snapshots of other peoples lives, little problems and get to watch other peoples conversations.

So simple yet sometimes so beautiful. A sense of reality that its not all about big wild dreams but the little everyday pieces of this world that matter.