hard goodbyes

So tonight he disapeared completely. Went off and did his own thing. Something i woul expect of a single man.

Is it time to say good bye. For me i think it is.

Good bye to a man that could have been but never will. No one knows you so and i will walk away. And so many break ups - the good and bad times will come yet again. Many a time.

Do good bye to you my timeless friend.

Is he the one

Men come and go and this one in particular seems a little fickle and very self absorbved. I wonder sometimes if i even need him at all.

There is no romance really but when he wants it, lots of effection. To think i fell yet again for a mans chase and charms for him to only change once that chase was over.

But this time i am feeling strong. Perhaps getting out of my comfort zone is getting in control and going through with a break up when it just does not feel right.

Is it time to say goodbye to him? Perhaps i can avoid him for a while and learn to live without him. That will be easier.

On needing inner strength

So i went on holidays and tried my hand at getting a diving license. I faced some fears and it was he most amazing feeling to come out a winner at the other end. I felt that sense of myself again. I felt like me. Who i used to be. The girl that embraced a challenge rather than just going with the flow and accepting what i got and stayed with it. I missed that sweet feeling of accomplishment.

And if i could deal with running out of water underwater, i can definitely deal with finding myself again. Its about easing off the alcohol and not depending on him so much. Sticking with the anxiety because i can and i know how to beat it.

Its about taking control of what me and him have and being a nice person but not letting him walk over me and taking some space when i need to.