Another late night

Sleepless in my trendy south yarra apartment. Missing him, although sometimes i'm not sure who "he" is. Is it the one of the moment, a blast from the past, a craving for the future.

Its not like i've even lost him yet. But then its not like i have him either. And then thinking about it again, its not like i am completely into him and have been right and innocent all along.

At the end of the day i think deep down my feelings are true and genuine. I am just not feeling secure and loved right now to act on them the way i would love. I need to learn to have more faith in men, to really give it my all.

I feel i have lost this time, but for next time its something to remember.

So i met him at a time when i had declared to spend two months going crazy and having random fun, sleeping with every good looking man that i can conjure up. That was the point where i met him, the one i thought was the man of my dreams. So in a moment i dropped my plan and dived right in to a relationship.

I don't know what i want now. I need him to be more attentive. I don't feel right. 

I wish i wouldn't be effected the way i am, but i guess that just means i also felt happiness intensely.

I wonder what the future will bring?