I love you sooo much but it's hard living message to message. You have the best of intentions. So do you. I know you are busy and thats why we can't speak or call. But maybe you are also protecting yourself too. Or just too busy.
A lots of days while i endlessly check for message updates from you, i wonder if it is worth it. For 4 -10 messages a day without any real contact. We have maybe video called or audio called a mere 5-6 times this year. Maybe it was my working so late and timezones working out that we talked so often. I try to sleep by midnight these days and you are not yet finished with work.
I know life is hard for you. But i feel things are hard for me too. But i don't know how to tell you what's really going on. It will prolly scare you away anyways. In which case maybe this is all in my head anyways.
Sometimes i think i need to walk away or just be friends which is what you said we should be. In my head and heart i want to be more. I dream of you so much. We spend the nights and mornings and all day together in my head.
It's really not healthy because you don't even know about it. And i wait and wait and wait. Endlessly checking for a few words in a text for my next hit of you.
I sometimes just think i need to move on. And maybe you already know this.
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