Oh to be driven again

Its Christmas Day and i am all alone in a big house. My new place really in a nice trendy neighbourhood. I thought this was what i wanted.

Its only now i realise i don't really have anyone. I have family but i dont appreciate them enough. Right now i should be home with them. Not here on my own.

Friends --> i don't have many to call real.

My life is not so busy anymore and i need it to be busy. Thats when i am at my happiest, when i am driven, busy, determined to succeed

Right now i am lonely and sad. I just want a friend and a hug. To feel the excitement of being alive. I dont know whats wrong with me, i've spent the last six nights going out and drinking with different friends. i should enjoy quiet time on my own.

I guess being alone of christmas is pretty sad

I used to know what i wanted

Last year when i graduated, or even the years before i was sure i was different to everyone else. I knew myself and i knew what i wanted out of life and what i wanted to become. I thought i've been working all this time, nothing will change now.

Yet little did i realise in less that a year my whole viewpoint has changed. Maybe i thought i was more mature than i actually am, maybe i am actually less mature and am only now realising what others realised long ago.

So my new life and this is what i see
* I dont have all the answers and sometimes being stubborn i ignored reality even when it was right in front of me
* Doing the honourable thing doesn't always pay
* Money does matter ( to a certain extent at least)
* I don't want to be an engineer and am more commercially orientated
* You can never really take a break and stop from life --> even if you were successful to continue to be so you need to keep pushing and trying
* Its getting harder to motivate myself
* Everyone needs a place to call home
* Friends are one of the most beautiful and important things in life
* Family is also --> Will always be by your side no matter what
* Right now if someone can't make you number one in their life then they are not the right man for you and by holding on you will eventually get hurt and letting yourself become the victim.

Well right now my mind is in a whole new career mindset. I like engineering to a certain extent but its the sales. strategy, marketing, business development side that really takes my interest. Right now i am doing a online course on marketing just out of interest because i can't wait until i sort out the masters/MBA issue.

Now thats another issue in itself
--> Do i study for the GMAT and try and find the time/money to do one at a wolrdclass university

or --> Do i just enrol in an online course which will take me now and just get on with learning something

or--> Do i drop the MBA idea altogether and just buy the books and do the study and dont worry about the actual qualification as the skills will carry me thru. But then you probably need the formal qualification to move forward through an organisation, to open doors.

So once again lots to think about as this year draws to a close. I am 25 and i guess i have time on my hands to make this decision. I just feel like i am standing still at times and feel i should do something. Would having patience be virtue in this case or stop my progress?

Moving on

One of the hardest things to do, not giving into temptation, realising that the pain is worse that the pleasure.

So i say goodbye to the man with a wife and kids, and welcome to a life full of fun, adventure, romance, friendships and honesty.

Honesty is one of the most important qualities a person must possess to really be great and respected. Without it one is nothing.

A friend has come through for me in such an amazing way. To have someone say to you " call me whenever you need to, even if i am at work, i will be there" , and its a promise which rings so true. Thats the mark of a great friendship and one i am truly greatful for having.

Life is about having beautiful friends who surround you, and S and J , you are two amazing people in my life that i love so much and couldn't live without and i know i can depend on you for a shoulder to lean on whenever i need, and i will do the same for you in a second.