They say that a guy that makes you cry just isn't worth your tears, yet they keep flowing.
Why do i keep doing this to myself i ask. I went into it knowing very well how difficult love can be when one does not have a home and the miles start adding up. When a three year relationship with a guy i loved with such intensity couldn't last the test of distance, what was it that made me think a 5 day holiday romance could?
Love is irrational and its so easy to get carried away by the moment. I've always thought that its better to have loved and lived, that to live your life afraid of what could be. But now i am beginning to feel that i owe it to myself to have some sort of self-protection. That i need to stop living life in incredible highs and horrible lows.
So one sunny day while sipping papaya juice and watching the ocean in Beautiful Goa i meet a man whose eyes convey the deepest of yearnings for me. With his emails and phone calls he woos me back and i find myself traversing through Asia and flying back into his arms for a fabulous five days of bliss before real-life beckons.
We make plans for the future, to spent new years together, to have adventures together, everything seems so amazing. That is until life comes knocking at our doors and his world spins with fashion shows, london galleries and internations business endeavours. I too am no better flying around australia, contemplating new careers, going out with friends new and old and entertaining the idea of possible dates.
Yet i still have a soft spot for him. I even call him. I haven't heard from him in over a week. He makes me sad and he makes me cry. I always figure if you really wanted to get in touch with someone no matter where you are in the world, you can if you really want to. So really, its time for me to let go even though its so hard and even though i crave him touch and the way he looks at me.
Once again its time to say goodbye. As one door closes another one opens.......
