In retrospect

He was just as nervous as i was. And what a wonderful first date that made, the anticipation of what could be.  Sometimes that little bit of nervousness is gold, its where that butterflies in your stomach come from. It'd what will make you smile for years as you think back to that first date.

And just as i often feel, it was one of those perfect nights. I got off the tram a few stops earlier, wandering past the botanical gardens and tree lined winter streets and the blue fountain by the napolean exhibition, listning to those tunes in my ear, watching the world wonder past and enjoying the freshness in that cool winter air.

I meet him by the clocks and see him already there. He looks a tad nervous too, waiting their in his suit. Waiting for me. Quick peck on the cheek and we are off, our eyes catch each other occasionally. Its like we are old friends, walking without direction.

He's picked out a few of the hippest new bars and we settle into one of melbourne underground trandy tapas bars. Oysters, wine and the finest of tapas with good conversation. He inches ever so close, our eyes catch occasionally, our bodies touch every now and then. I;m laughing, he's laughing, the conversation is flowing, we both know that its working. And we get deep in conversation, deep into our feelings, our past, our hopes and fears with the kind of honesty that usually comes with time.

He sneaks in a sweet kiss as we leave and we settle in by the couch with some mulled wine, holding hands and looking deep into each others eyes. It's been one of the best dates in a long time. There are no games. It's just gentle innocent looks.

And as i hop into that cab and say goodbye, we steal yet another kiss and hug. You feel so comfortable, so close. Its like we have known each other for so long.

"See you saturday gorgeous", you whisper as i disapear into the night sky.

I've been smiling for a while now.

I'm a little scared

Once again, facebook offers to much information, i tabke subtle hints, expect him to do too much. Yet my gut wonders if there is someone else.

I know the power of positive thinking. But really if i feel it, not much i can do. I am insecure. I do wish he would send me something.

I feel like something switched after friday night. That perhaps he met someone new. Becuase he changed. Or was it me and my reaction.

I cry.

Its just me. This is me. I just need to work it out. I want him to love me. I need to accept myself first.

To the new man in my life

Excitement brims, life is wonderful, i just got off a flight and made my way home, all my issues are dispaearing, lovely people are surrounding mem, my judgement is perfect and i communicate so well.

Life is just going ncredibly well. It just is.

I sat there on that plane today and realised how happy i really was. How much i was learning. How incredible it was to be surrounded by such brillient people to learn the things i do. Life lessons to make the world a better place.

I am incredibly lucky to have the life that i have.

Sometimes i get scared

sometimes i feel like the most beautiful girl in the room and then other times i am so insecure. I have a date with a man i really like and here i am doubting myself. Is he actually interested? is he loosing interest?

He prolly is just nervous to see me, wondering how i feel. I like him. He likes me.

Lets work it out together. Excited about tomorrow. :)

So he seems like a nice guy

He likes me, i think i like him. Its one of those that start with friendship and i can see him being a man that grows on me. Someone that seems to have goodness in their heart and be effected by the injustice around them.

We are different in many ways, but its so easy to talk to him, to open up. I like that the games are just not there. There are no freakouts. Its him. Its me. We work it out and it all seems straight forward.

Part of me isn't totally there yet. I hope i look back and fall in love with him and get to that stage where there is not other man that i think about. Like i have many times before with many a man i have not felt it for.

So here's to the future and what it will bring.

On meeting a new man

Gentle, deep, genuine, straight forward, self assured