Another new start

Starting a new job is really difficult.

I do it so often rotating around the company you would think i would get used to it. But you go in meeting new people and no one knows who you are. And you start all over again, you suddently go from being great at what you do to knowing almost nothing.

You have no track record and you need to build up a reputation once again. Sometimes this period is depressing because in your mind you are like i had something great and i wanted more from life so i left what was great in search of something greater.

Sometimes that something greater brings pain and sadness. All the changes, the unfamiliarity, the instability. I'm a successful strong beautiful fit intelligent adventurous women with the whole world in front of me, and yet all i really want is a man to give me a hug and hold me in his arms and make me feel special. I crave it, crave it soo bad it hurts.

So is all this worth it. I'm tired, tired of reaching for so much. Am i burning myself? Is this what this feeling is? Its not like i work long hours and weekends are saved just for adventures and partying. So how could i be burning out?

I guess for now i will go along with it. Cos really my life is geat, even amazing. I just don't know why i feel so down sometimes.

Thats all

And i miss him

Falling in Love

Until about three weeks ago i thought the days of falling madly, passionaltely crazy in love were over. That those feelings were about a first love when you were younger and didn't really know yourself. When you hadn't been hurt before so you didn't realise the risk you took in hurling yourself head first into love. The days when you hadn't discovered who you were, so it was easy to make yourself fit with someone else.

I Thought as you grow older its about compromising, working at it and being with someone you like, but the magic is of another kind.

Until i met one man, the perfect man for me really. And one super brilliant amazing week where there were no games, just two people madly in love who wanted to spend their time together. Intellectually, physically , emotionally , it just worked.

But now he lives on the other side of the world and i have memories of one fabulous week. And then i find he has a wife and kids.

So what does that mean?, everything i felt was based on a lie. But then was it all a lie?, He is thinking of leaving his family so does that mean his feelings were really. That we accidently fell for each other?

I still feel the strength of emotion, i still think a lot of him..........so do i say goodbye to the one guy that brought magic back into my life or do i jump right in and see where life takes me?

Another year gone.

So its been a year and I've lost and found this blog again. It really interesting reading something which i wrote a year ago. It almost feels like a whole lifetime has past in between!

Looking back i've become more humble and modest and have realised i don't always have all the answers. Its not really a loss of confidence because that's still there and going strong, just an understanding of my presense in the world. Realising that while i may be the centre of my world, its not neccessarily the centre of other peoples.

I've acheived a lot, i've matured a lot, i've gone from strength to strength but i have also failed and survived. Things that were missing in my life before i've been working on, so to sum it all up i would say i am moving backwards.

I lead an exciting life with a successful career, lots of travel, weekend adventures, great friends, great career, great relationship with family .......in no real particular order.

I'll try to keep this up to date, random ramblings and thoughts as i elaborate on my life.