Appreciating the man that you are

You call me up every night, confide in me, call me beautiful, introduce me to all your friends and family. I see how proud you are to have me by your side. You let me flourish and support me in all that i do. I fall asleep in your arms and feel ever so safe and secure in your hugs.

I have some hang ups but your all i could have hoped for and more. I appreciate you baby. I think your wonderful.

Where to now

At times we are going ever so well. At other times i question if the compromises are worth it all? Your not everything i want in a man but you come pretty damn close.

You call me gorgeous and you call me every night and include me in all aspects of your life. I have open invitations that i sometimes don't take.

Sometimes i wish for flowers and a door opened here and there. For you to be that man that drives us everywhere. But these are little material things that i miss.  Do they really matter?

Its just every time i start making compromises for you and i see you living your life as normal. I kind of think maybe i shouldn't of made that compromise. If it matters this much with the little things, maybe i should take care not to let the big things in my life be compromised. 

I wish i could tell you

But i'm scared to call you. I wait for you to realised i'm not doing so well.

That i'm struggling through life in everywhere. I feel ugly these days after your dad called me unattractive. I'm worried about my mum's surgery and dad being a violent alcoholic. I worry about getting through bschool and becoming something. On having too much money or not enough. Who knows?

The thing is i'm struggling but i don't feel like i can tell you or lean on you. I want to be with you because i feel like your the last man that i could possibly settle down with and i want to settle down so bad as i am growing old.

Sometimes amoungst the thrills and sucess life can be pretty misarable. I've been trying to talk myself into being with you, but in reality i just don't know about you.

I want you to be somebody else. Fitter, smarter, more of a gentleman and a knight in shining armour.

Still, I'm too scared to say goodbye.

Holding back

The things is life is fine. Really. Its just that sometimes i feel so sad.

I feel the pressure to have a man and to get married and so i have settled for you. You treat me well and want the long haul. A little rough around the edges. You know, the guy that will never buy you flowers and Tiffany's but he'll be supportive and nice. All the core values you want in a man, just not that exciting but you learn to appreciate from years of being hurt.

Am i depressed right now? Is this it?

I want him to be more but perhaps he is all that is left. He is a good man. Just not one that meets my expectations.

At some stage in life you choose between your dreams and reality. And in relationships i have chosen reality.

I had a man many years ago that offered me the world. I walked away and never treated him quite right.

Life - this is the future. Deal with it!

Feeling absolutely Fab

One of those days. Holidays just finished. Music Blasting. Gym sessions and intellectual stimulation. Good friends and wonderful family. Wine and food just flowing.

Life is beautiful.

So insecure

I wish i could let you love me the way you could. I wish i could let you in.

Another new year

A few days in the mountains is sometimes the best medicine. Nothing i love better than the fresh altitude air and nothing else being more important than your very next step. Luscious landscapes, physical challenges, the animals and the natural wonder of the earth. I return home refreshed and revived.

I know we had some problems before. I know we were not together for the holidays. I know that perhaps we will not always be together for the holidays.

It was nice hearing from you. It was also nice being a part and being me.

Healthy or a bittersweet realisation?

Happy new Year