To the boy that used to be my world,

I never actually thought i would be writing to the internet instead of you. I somehow thought you were different. And it turns out that you may have been the worst. 

If your with a guy and you cry yourself to sleep at night because of him, then perhaps he is not the guy for you. 

If someone walks out of your life, just let them. There is no point begging or anything. Because the faith you need is that they know what you need and will be able to give it to you. Stop holding onto bits of nothing like you always have in the past and have some self respect. 

He has left. Let him be. You don't need to make him your everything. 

Somewhere along the way i made mistakes. Maybe its time to say goodbye and never make those mistakes ever again. Be with someone knew and accept that this was never going to work.

So that man i fell in love with is no longer here. 

A strange feeling of comfort

Its been a few tough weeks and i've wondered how i ended up where i am. But it gets to that stage where you realise you need to stop hurting and just get on with life. If he pulls away, just let him go and find my own life to enjoy rather than being so needy.

It will drive him nuts. As it already is.

I miss me and him. The way we used to be. The guy i thought he was.

Having invested so much time into this. Maybe its time to say goodbye. Maybe its time to work through all this. I'm not sure his family is bearable in my world.

I miss who he used to be. Or pretended to be. I know i;m in the wrong but today the way he was speaking, i felt like it was me against him and his family. And its not a nice feeling. I want to be with a man that thinks the world of me.

Thinking thinking.
Is this the life i want?

Is it time for that thankyou goodbye?

On letting life pass you by

I once had goals and ambitions and dreams. And then money stopped being a problem. I met a guy i loved. I got carried away and trusted him a little too much. We get angry, we fight. The things is, are my core values being compromised. Neither of us are right or wrong.

I love him and him me.

But tonight he sleeps elsewhere. He is sick. If we had a relationship i would be over looking after him right now. But i'm not sure if i am welcome.

I think what we used to have is gone.

Will it ever come back?

Mixed emotions

I'm in KL feeling like i hate him. I want a response and wishing i hadn't emailed. How did something so pure and wonderful turn into this?

Should i just have faith that he is amazing and go with it? Am i getting what i want out of this? If he disapeared from my life would i be ok?

Can i do better?

Do i love him?