Another year over, a new one just beginning

To think a decade has passed. Exactly ten years ago, it was the end of an era. I was with my best firends, school had just finished and we were about to embark on our future, leaving childhood behind and entering that new phase.

Wide eyed, it was cheers to us. With a hint of the y2k bug, the first moments of savouring a little bit of alcohol, of laughs and tears, we entered another decade.

Ten years on, i am all alone. My best friends, we went our own ways. Still in the same city, i wonder if they even think of me these days. Life has changed, we have lived, we have not shared our moments, we have become everything we wanted to be and everything we did not.

As i sit here all alone on new years eve, i think this is not the life i want forever. In ten years from now i want a doting man, perhaps a family but most of all, to fall asleep and wake up in the arms of another.

Who knows what life will bring, i'll welcome the new year with a smile.

On joining one crazy multinational

Think 2am calls, working around the clock, traversing time-zones and making the world your playground. Surrounded by brilliance and urgency, crazy schedules and falling behind for the first time in a long time, i step aside for a moment to catch my breath.

Is this what i want? Is this the price to be paid for success? Well actually i think it is what i want. The rush, the adreline, the excitement, the challenge. Its all apart of my life once more. 

Finally where i want to be, where i belong...

Sometimes life takes you on a journey of all levels of being all that is good and successful that you loose sight of where you ultimately belong.

I feel like all my life, a silver spoon has dished out a cushy life, sheltering with its gleen the passion which lies within.

For the first time i feel like this is where i belong. 

lying next to a man

There are moments in life. When you awake and find yourself lying next to a man, and he is within reach and just the touch of him makes you warm inside.

When he decides to hold you in his arms you rejoice.

And thats all you need....ever.. his arms protectively encompassing the essence of you....

Sometimes passion and love sucks

With tears in my eyes i say this for i have let the pride inside of me win.

Life has always worked out. Career, family, friendships, success, its like i have a map for the trajectory of sucess and all i need to do is float along. Love however is another thing. 

Ok the real reason i am even writing this post is that my feelings are hurt, i am hurting and there is a man that has broken my heart.

Maybe i did all the wrong things, maybe i don't know how to pull a man, maybe i was too eager or put too much pressure on. But its still hurts. He never got to know me, never really cared. I miss him now and i missed him lots. I have hated that i have missed him but non the less if he were to contact me right now my heart would light up and i would have a smile on my face.

I dont know if i should walk away, to give up. I sometimes wonder, this could be a chance of a lifetime to be happy, to be with my perfect man, do i let it go for pride and some stupid rules on love. Or do i lay myself out open to get hurt more and more. 

What do i stand to loose? I have already lost my pride. 

The answer is that i'm not sure. I don't know him so well, he does not know me. In some ways he represents who i want to be but not necessarily who i want to be with as a lover.    But oh how i would love to have him as a lover.

That night we spent together, with his body close to mine, with his arms around me, with knowing i could reach out at any moment and he would me mine. That was priceless. But so fleeting for he is here one moment and gone another. And he does not look back, he does not crave me, he so easily walks away. 

Without bothering to understand, without caring that he hurt me. 

I don't know. I just don't know.

I fell for a David Symons and he let me down.