Tonight i was stood up

Tears not quite emerging.

I wonder if he is thinking of me?

Your words of wisdom

I miss your company for amoungst the passion and excitement i also learn from years of experience.

Our last conversation, i took away something deep and meaningful. 

That

1. People want to trust someone else

2. People in high places just say things because they can, not because they know its correct

At a time when my career is starting out, i am climbing the ropes and succeeding these words of wisdom are just what i need to jump through hoops and to see the world for what it is.  To realise that the world is run by normal people like you and I and that the secret is to come to this realisation. 

That the world goes round not by some complex equations but because of those that dare to have faith in themselves, believe and take a risk. 

Your an inspirations, your just what i need. 

You have walked into my life by chance....

Goodbye Mr Nice

So i got prioritised one too many times. Maybe you were not so nice after all. For a moment there i thought i missed you. I thought you may have been the one.

You've walked away one too many times without bothering to know me. I never really felt it for you either, my mind with another man. Yet that other man, he was filling an emotional void i felt with you. He was just a way to boost my ego just in case you walked all over me.

Maybe i never saw you for who you really were. Come to think of it, your living off someone else's money, you talk of your grandmother's inheritance, the way you leech off me for comfort. Maybe you are not who you seem to be after all. 

I still shed my tears for you but this is for the last time. 

Goodbye - love, friendship and all

Dear Mr Man

David, how i crave to hear from you. I sit here now deciding between the one that makes my heart come alive and the guy that will stay by my side.

Together we could be indestructable. Together we could be a force of the world. Together we could save the world if we wanted, we could move mountains, we could almost touch the sky.

I wish you could see the picture in my head before i decide to turn away.

Unrequited feelings can only mean so much for so long.

Please give me a sign, a sign that you care, a sign that i am not just another girl.

That elusive him

And its another night alone, yet no longer feeling lonely. Life gets busy but sometimes it brings with it a smile. And then there are two men and then there are none but it does not matter because i have just bought my own little piece of the world, because my family loves me unconditionally, because my career is taking off in leaps and bounds, because my friends are beautiful, because i am beautiful.

I smile as i think of him. The one that came across so charming and nice, caught me off guard with just the perfect amount of nice and being a man. And although it never worked i still think fondly of him, of a boy i didn't try enough to hold onto. A boy i still harbour a little bit of hope for but in the midst of life have decided to leave a while.

And then there is the other him. That elusive man who steps in and out of my life, the one made for my daydreams. The one that makes my heart race. I miss him, i want him and yet i am too scared to call or make a move. He is perfect for me, essentially all i want in a man except that he is never with me, except that he does not want me in the same way.

So in between my perfect life i skip through moments of him, wondering, contemplating. It does not matter really. When the time comes, all will unfold. For now all i can do is smile fondly, wondering where life will take me.

Today i start a new life

Eyes bright eyes, motivation brimming, a tune in my step, a certain glint in my eyes, charismatic to the world.

I am the girl who is all of sporty, intelligent, attractive, fit, successful and overflowing with friendship and love.

Life is perfect and today is the start of a new chapter in my life.

Never underestimate a friendship

And when your world seems like its coming to an end, all is not lost. Those friends built up over years are not to be underestimated. Hours of conversation, laughter, life, dreams, hopes and fears. 

Discussion that one cannot have with another. 

Friendship is beautiful, across boarders, through history.

Back to square one

I was not honest. I did not get caught out. But karma rules above all and i am back to square one.

So the boy i did not appreciate figured it out for himself. And now i am with neither.  It was sliding downhill anyway.  Was the other night a desperate attempt at needing validation in another mans arms?

Tears forming in my eyes. He said goodbye. He's difficult to erase. 

Life seems noisy once more. All of a sudden or has it always been like this. Study sessions, multi million dollar deals, men that forget about me, success too stressfull, bills to pay, property to buy, a mortgage to pay. Put on that confident armour for work, a forced smile for life. 

Am i chasing pies in the sky? Is it time to settle with the one who knows me so well? Before my time runs out?

Temptation calls

and i go forth and conquer. Two men, one night and my heart flutters but the other way. I know in my heart the one i ache for. I know in my head the one thats good for me.

My heart will always rule my head, the passion, the excitement, the sheer joy of living. 

So with one boy its a home cooked dinner and a cuddle in front of the tele while with the other its cocktails in the hippest joint in town while discussing strategies for taking over the world. Pure ambition and strife creating an air of excitement, hands not able to keep off each other, attraction that knows no boundaries ...

Its too hard to say goodbye, its too hard not to let you back in. I smile when i think of you

The other just a comfort zone, where i think i should be, the security that i will always take for granted and a trust i do not deserve. 

i ache for the one that strives for the sky...

Memories of you

To the David's and the Malcolm's of the world

Tonight while i have my man it is you that i think of.  Neither of you treated me quite so right but there was something elusive and dangerous that made me think of you.

I wonder where you are these days? If you ever think of me? If i were mearly just another girl, another face longforgotten. 

I never made my mark. 

Life went on. I moved on. I smiled and laughed following the tears i cried for you. 

I even have another now -- but why are you still on my mind?