A changing of the tide

With the coming of a new year , with the growing older through time, i enter a new life stage in my life.

An older, wiser, more mature one. 

A place i never thought i would reach, enter, wanter to reach.

It was a few thoughts here and there, a few sentiments, a few looks of the joy on their litte faces as they pass me by. Is that maternal instinct finally surfacing? Am i but yet another pin in the whole scheme of the world, doing their best, to live life and be happy.

Just like everyone else?

So close, yet so far away

I miss you. I miss your arms around me, your body, the way we moved together, the kisses, the hugs and falling alseep together. I miss waking up with you. 

Why don't i call you? Why don't you call me?

Do you miss me too?

I wonder...

An abundance of all, yet no substance to it all

We have everything available to us in abundance these days. Choices, opportunities, material possessions, countries, cities and even friends. Yet sometimes it feels like we get lost in it all, that it all gets spread so thin that after a while, a whole lot of everything amounts to not much of anything.

We look to our friends. Any facebook page would have me at the height of a social butterfly, i have just under 300 hundread friends. That doesn't even include all the friends of friends i have at my disposal to tap into if i wish. 

Yet i have no best friends. In amougst the masses i have missed out on forging that one, two, three four person tribe that sticks thick and thin, through it all. I don't have someone i tell all about my day each night, there is no one to call to say i am sick, there is no one to have a night out with or a chat when i feel lonely.

And its like that for everything. We have at our disposal the entire world. Its one of the greatest times to be alive.

Yet so sterile and lonely. 

Craving substance

Another year comes to an end

So close to the end of another year. This time it has crept up even faster than the last. Its at this stage that you start reflecting on the year that was. The milestones you achieved, the laughs that you had, those special never to forget moments lived and the mistakes you learnt from. 

Every year it comes down to a number of moments in our lives that pool together to define the year that was.

So for me this year was one of solidifying a life that had been running around the world, free as a bird for some time. It was one to stabilise and figure out the important things, slow down a bit so that one can move forward even faster into the future. All good lives need a solid base and this was the year i started creating that.

So i changed careers and moved into my first management role, i bought my first apartment, i lived in one city i call home for three seasons and intend to stay for more, i bought some expensive make up, i dated someone and i lost someone, i watched the first of my friends get married and really started to appreciate the wonderful-ness of my family.

It was a year of building solid foundations so that i can soar next year. All dreams need foundations.

What will next year bring? Only time will tell...

life in retrospect and history repeating itself

To my dear sis,

Today in you, i caught a glimpse of a mistake i myself made. It broke my heart to see it repeating itself, yet i felt so helpless not saying anything. I am not the best communicator and even if i was, would it make a difference.

I always envied the friendships that you had. I was always the one that was flying around the world, running from the arms of one exciting man to another, making new friends, developing new careers, making plans to stake out my own share of this world.  You were the one that stayed in melbourne, holidays were for spending time with good friends. You had no desire to take over the world or see what it was like to live on every continent in the world.   So while i never stayed put the keep the friendships alive that i crave today, i saw you enrich them, embedded in them and glowing in their glory.

Yet the other day i enquired about your best friend. Yes the one that was always in every photo of you, the one that new all about you, the one that everyone new was your best friend. I was surprised at your response, that she was no longer your best friend.

I remembered back to the days of my two best friends. Before falling in love with men, before traveling he world.   They were the best of friends and life was beautiful and it was always smiles and fun.  Yet i never kept in touch, i lost that magic. A few years later i realised what a mistake that i had made, that as you grow older, friends are not so easy to make, that bonds form in younger days are often stronger than those from later life. That in younger days, of uni days, of school days one has the time to really get to know another, unlike in later life where the world gets busier and busier. 

So those friendships for me were never the same again. Who would have thought that my best friend i would call but once a year, if that at all?

So my dear sis, i see red lights, i want to see you make up and realise the importance of those friendships formed when young.

I hope you sort it out in time, for it too much time passes that magic is gone, and often so hard to recapture. 

A stroll through memory lane

Yesterday i went for a stroll through the botanical gardens.  Life has come so far that it is but my backyard these days.  Yet back in those days it was a magical place for you and i.  Its where we grew up, fell in love, hid from the world and found our own sanctuary.  I strolled past our special place on the hill, which overlooked the big canopy of trees below. I sat by the lake where once we asked a stranger to take a photo. Even now when i look at that photo, i can almost feel the love and emotion that we shared.

Of course that time is over. Of course in those days we lived far away, there was much to do. This place was stolen moments in time, in between classes, in between parents, in between two cultures which set to tear us apart.

These days we have both grown up. We have become successful. You and i, we can both walk here from our homes. Even see it from our windows. 

Yet for you and I, this is not a time or place any longer. We went our separate ways a long time ago. That love we shared is for the trees, for the lake, for that special spot on the hill, for another time, another world.

Its no longer ours for we walked away, each to their own destiny.