Mistaking admiration for love

Its one of those small epiphanies which makes for a life changing turn in life.

To all the Max's and David's in the world, i have figured out. These men that i fall so hard for within moments, perhaps i am simply mistaking admiration for love.

He is everything i want to become in life. Am i filling in a gap? Am i mistaking a mentor for a lover?  Is it all one way? Am i not as interesting to him? Am i not bringing much of my own to the table.

And he said -- you are not someone i think i want to spend fifteen hours a week with at least for the rest of my life. And as harsh and painful as that is, its what i need to walk away.

Happy happy happy and only a little sad

Somewhere along the way i learnt to cook, hold dinner parties and became one of those people that one does not want to invite to dinner as they cannot cook as well. The stylish home, the status, the lifestyle, how did i suddenly come to have it all?

Life is going well, mainly except for a few blips in the man radar. Life is happy, life is full-filling. Life is fun and games. 

friendships under the radar

Without even noticing, they have built up. I am part of a team, i am one of them. Mutual respect, determination and timing. 

I'll miss them. They may be worlds apart but years of working together, joking around daily, being a team. I will miss them much.

A stage in my life is ending, i must move on, they must move on. 

Life ........ one day it will make sense.

Things i will not say to you

Dear David

You make my heart race, you make my daydreams come alive, you bring a smile to my lips. The heartache of certain moments seem almost bearable for those savored moments in time.

In a lot of ways you make a whole lot of sense when i think about it. I have not known you for very long, there is lots to know and lots to build. 

From the deepths of my heart i realise what i crave for is not even sustainable. That on must get to know and get to know another before making any commitments. You have withstood these unecessary pressure's well.

Time, space, getting to know each other is the way forward. I know where your priorities are and i too think its best to take our time, see if the conversations evolve, if we are meant to be. 

This is a turning point in my life, this understanding of what goes wrong. In all aspects of life hardwork, patience and timing is key and in matters of the heart its all the more important to think it through. 

Hearts get trampled everyday. I will still wear mine on my sleeve and lay it out for you to touch. 

I still think of you with a smile and i will call you sometime. I know you will answer with a smile and we will take it slow and take out time. We will let time decide whats to be.

I'll still smile when i think of you.