A process of self discovery

The last few months have really been a process of self discovery for myself. Trying to wade through the tangle that is my life to figure out exactly what i want.

And even today i was so confused, a web of uncertainty with so many choices. And the past few months, work wise trying something new, relationship wise trying to figure out what i want, what i'm doing right, what i'm doing wrong. Family wise, realising i need to forgive and forget and be happy for the amazing support and love i get from my family. In terms of friends, figuring out who will and won't stand by you, realising that despite having so many friends ultimately the only ones who will stand by me through thick and thin are my family, and that i need to start putting them first.

I have realised one thing though, tonight has been a night of revelations. The times where i have been happiest at work i have known where i am going. And lately i haven't. I took some advice i maybe should not have. Be open, my manager said, but for me her strategy is really a drifters one.

I had a training session two weeks ago where they gave me a piece of paper and relaxing music and said think for a few minutes and write down your vision for work life. Mine was blank, i had no idea what i want.

And tonight, and over the past few months i think what i need is a map in my mind and a vision of where i want to be. Looking around job sites there was a random array of things that seemed ok but nothing that really struck a passion cord.

And today i saw something, an area that i have always had a passion for and a position advertised that had my name all over it. And the feelings i have inside make me think thats where i need to go, weather with my company now or with someone else.

Despite studying engineering my real passion is for analysis and marketing. Its what i have found interesting in the positions i have held and i think my strengths lie in analysis. The career path leads up to senior management which is where i want to go.

I will go to india with work, but after that, once rotations are over i will look at all options. If i get what i want from this company for the right salary where i feel appreciated i will stay, but at the same time i will take the best offer that is best for me, not in the interest of a large corporation.

It feels good though, its like my mind has been in chaos for a while and a chord has struck and what i want is a lot clearer in some aspects.

Another life to be left

So its almost the end of May and how my life has changed.

To think since my last post there have been so many men, empty sex. There's been three of them in my life since - each that i have been excitede about for a brief moment

And today i met an old flame out of the blue.

And know what i realised - travel does not lead the way to a stable relationship. Maybe this is why my life has been so empty - i am always ready to run away.

So i am off to india for four months -- lets see what life will unfold this time