Goodbye to an Ex from long ago

I thought i had got over him a very long time ago. Its been about 6 years since we were an item. So much time has passed. He moved on. I moved on. We catch up a couple of times a year and it feels like no time has passed.

The thing is, all these years i kept thinking if the time arose, that we could somehow make it work.

This last catch up was different. I was listening to him thinking we have nothing in common. He wanted to go to the states and check out history and architecture, he wanted to play two up on Anzac day and couldn't wait to get to that footy match. I wanted to climb mountains, go rock climbing, spend Anzac day with my family.

We could not be more different from each other.

Its funny how sometimes you look back and you notice these things where that whole other time you thought you were a perfect match.

And on that thought i cast my insights onto a more recent G. What was it that made me feel we were perfect for each other. A man that spend all his time working and the latter partying with his buddies. We didn't have deep conversations or moments of spark. I was always hoping he would be impressed by me, trying to be a member of the status quo and fit in.

A fairy tale wedding

Its been an emotional weekend with the wedding of the century playing out just last night. True love, intermingled with life in the clouds, patience and royalty.

I look at Kate and i will never be her. I want to be a CEO and have an empire before me. I am not one to bow down to my man and give myself away to start a family and support my man through his endeavor's.

I'll watch this fairy tale play our with wonder and yearning. But thats all it will be, a fairytale.

Even given the chance i would turn another way. 

My moment to shine is here

I no longer feel lost about getting older, being single.

Its a matter of confidence, being comfortable with oneself.

Sure i am not married yet. But if i had of been my life would be vastly different. I may not have such a career, time to follow my dreams and climb my mountains, flying off on a whim. I may have kids or be thinking about it.

There are certain men that would have lead to kids.

The thing is i am happy with what i have achieved and if i had of played it any other way, i would have a different life in front of me. The thing is i want to meet a man that will love me, but i want to do it my way. Children are optional and my dream life involves a loving man while still being able to hop on and off of planes at a whim, changing the world one step at a time.

The new him

Down to Earth, Kind, assured, chivalrous, full of wonder

Sometimes i just don't feel like writing

And this past few months have been one of those. Lots is going on. I got a promotion, new challenges and i got over some other men and i met some new men and rekindled some old friendships. I strengthened existing ties with my parents and close friends.

I was on a date the other night and the question was raised about what i would change about myself if i could. I had to think long and hard for there was not much in my life that needed changing. I've always felt my love life is the only empty space in my life but when your on a date in the arms of a gorgeous man who is looking adoringly into your eyes, even that no longer holds up.

I have no real problems and i feel confident and like i am in my element. Things are going well, I'm more confident that i have ever been and i am living in the moment these days. There are next steps and the world to conquer but there is no more uncertainty. I have got to where i want and this is the time to enjoy the fruits of my labour and all the hardwork and learnings along the way.

Breaking down barriers

Yet they get higher and higher. I live who lifetimes in my mind.

I miss the touch of another. I miss crying and laughing. I miss depending on someone else.

I wish i could open up.

Sometimes it feels like i have made all the right decisions

I'm in one of those leadership positions where i get a sneak preview into other peoples lives. Where my influence is more than that to be expected of a mere mortal.  Sometimes i read someones elses resume or hear about anothers life and their regrets and aspirations.
Then i think back to my own life, how i have somehow managed to make all the right decisions. I've managed to be at the right place at the right time.
I've met a boy i have a crush on also. Everything is just going my way.