I still miss you

Dear M,

My life is going exceptionally well. It seems i have it all together, an abundance of friends, the phone continuously ringing, supportive parents, have found a new place to live, settling in well to my new job and i've even bought an investment property. 

So why is it that i have spent my whole day thinking of you and missing you?

I can still feel your arms around me as you held me in your arms, i can still feel your gaze upon me.

The hardest thing is not knowing why. What we had was so special that i can't believe you would drop it by the way side for no good reason. I believe in you and have too much faith in you to think that you were simply being a prick of a guy. In fact if i thought that of you it would make things easier.

U and I are meant to be together and i'm angry at you for dropping what we have. I'm sure each of us will find love and fullfillment, but you know we had one of those magical, once in a lifetime chances.  I don't feel that we are fnished with each other yet - for the moment we are -- but someday, some place, some lifetime, our past will bring us together for another chance. 

Perhaps i will come looking for you in Palolem, not to reconcile and not for another go at a fairytale romance, just to see what happens and perhaps a friendship. That is if my intuition is guiding me right into thinking you are not a bad person, just someone thats under stress and perhaps confused and have lost their way. 

In the meantime its time for me to move on regardless of how hard it is to forget you. Its lie life teachs you many lessons, that love doesn't last forever.

I know we met for but a few days but i have known you for lifetimes. I will know you for lifetimes to come as well. 

For now its another goodbye and as a new day comes forth i will once again try to move on and live my life with a smile.

When looking for something, it seems just out of reach

I'm home. 

This is the moment i've been waiting for really all these years. To some home and be ready to travel.  Well i'm here, so what now?

So home hasn't become that magical place where all the answers are. Yes that sense of familiarity and being with family is nice. Friends - well it seems Melbourne has forgotten me.

Sometimes i get scared to go to the same city twice. Especially a city which has beautiful memories. As time goes by, people change, places change, lives change and sometimes are great expectations only make way for a downward fall.

I'm back at my childhood home. I haven't sorted out a home as of yet. There is much work to be done.

And the friends i have. Well times are changing, everytime you travel away you come back a different person. More enlightened, more aware of yourself, little changes the result of experiences you've not shared with those that remained. So as the world around continued to live out its everyday existence, i went and changed and now i no longer fit into that crook which once belonged to me. 

Home can be and soon will be a magical place once more. You just need to work at it, rebuild your life as you would in any other new city, except this time it all seems a little more familiar with a little more distractions.

After a crazy hectic time in Sydney and a solid few years of partying and living the crazy life, I'm ready to take it a little more easy. Perhaps i am growing up. I don't crave to be out hitting the bars in the hopes of meeting the man of my dreams, i don't want to dance until daylight breaks, and if i'm to be alone, then so be it. The midnight kebabs have lost their lustre and i may have a fresh salad for dinner these days. I'm looking forward to hitting the gym and being the best i can be.

It seems the more times i've left and returned home, the more i feel like a stranger.  

Is it just that the girl who left isn't the one that has returned?