In my element

Tonight i helped out with some entreprenuers - some CEO's to be with some great ideas. I put my skills to use.

But at the negotiation table i was in my element. That tough chick that can take control of a board room and reduce others to shreds. Well that is me. I'm that fiesty girl in the corner that surprises everyone with my skills and ambition.

Is it experience?

Who knows but i love it!

I felt alive, i feel excited, i feel happy.

I added so much value.

Life

What of it?

Once upon a time i dreamed of something big. Of falling in love with the man of my dreams, looking deeply into his eyes, kissing him ever so gently and deeply.

This is a thing of the past. I have a guy i think is seemingly nice. But are not made of dream. I get a peck on the cheek here and there but he loves me in his own way. Sometimes i think there is a wall within him. I wonder if i will ever get through.

The things is i'm not happy and i don't know what to do. He isn't even within reach.

The weekend was a freinds beautiful wedding. A wedding of a friend who wanted me more than her and i refused. And now its him and her and me and another. I wish he could miss me the way i do him.

I can't leave him. I will regret it. And besides i'm hopeless at relatonships.

Those dreams of younger days are gone.

How i wish for the innocence of youth. 

Last night i had a good time but..

So the suburbs were kind of nice. Not exactly what i wanted but it was nice just the same.

But this morning i woke up and he was sleeping and i just wanted to leave and now i'm back home and unhappy.

I called mum. She said this is life but in a real nice way.

The thing is, I'm not sure i want the solitary life that he offers. Maybe i need more than him.

I'm just not sure. I wish i could be happier.

I sometimes think if i find a man with a similar 9-5 to me, maybe the times spend together will be beautiful. Did living with that boy spoil me forever?

I don't know what to do....

Is this it?

So i am with him. Yet sometimes i wonder if we have anything in common at all. He wants me to come over to his place. We are going to go to some restaurant in the suburbs. That boring life that scares me.

In my heart of hearts i am trying to find a legitimate excuse to not turn up but i have to go. Is this the life i want to live?

Today we both had days off. For a change. On a rare occasion. He went home to study. I visited my parents. He wants me to come over and we will do what he wants to do.

Can i do this? Do i need that passion in life?

The other night i lost my keys and i couldn't depend on him.

My mum has been in hospital and yes he tried to see her once after a friends party but he hasn't even bothered since.

He doesn't want me to come to lanka with him. I attend my friends wedding alone.

A mediocre life. Is this what i want?

Who am i kidding. We are not in love. I sometimes look at him and don't know what to say. That comfort is not between us. Sometimes it feels amazing in the night. But in all reality, i'm not sure. He doesn't really listen to what i want. Its always what he wants.

There was glamour associated with being with him. Now not so much. Is my own life alone better than whats on offer. Maybe i need that spark.

On missing a younger self that believed

I remember when i believed in soul mates and twin flames and thought i had met with eternity. That something special existed in the world and perhaps i had found it. And these day beaten away, what do we even say. Its another life.

I criticise him for losing that magic but so have i.  I don't even fantasise that he may be the one. He's a nice boy offering something more than a dull life and someone i can cuddle with.

On loving your man

I look at him sometimes and i love him so. Its so nice to be lying in his arms. Outside the night, outside the bed we are ok. But by night we hold each other tight and have these deep conversations and the way he gently touches my hand in his. Its the things that dreams are made of.

And in some sort of mediocrity maybe we found something spectacular. To have a man that is like him, so generous despite his kinks and also for us to share what we hare with each other. Special has another name.

This isn't mediocre.

This is a wonderful life.

So this is life

And there is a strange sense of comfort in it too. He wants a mediocre life free of lifes hassles. He doesn't believe in love per se. Not the earth shattering love that knows too many outs and boundaries. He puts forward a philosophy to life based on sustainability and longelivity.

Maybe he is right.

This is a very different relationship. I am sitting here in the same room as him. Yet i am doing my own thing and he does his. In any other relationship we would be touching and kissing and cuddling. In this its just normal. Is this friendship.

Do i need more? Why don't we speak more.

Sometimes i'm sad. Other times maybe its ok.

I miss that old feeling tho. That feeling of being in love

Loveless

The other day I told him I loved him. I felt it too. His reaction . Barely anything. Perhaps I am not in love. I cry myself to sleep. 

He's moved on

When you first see that picture and you see her in his arms. How happy she looks. How he holds her the way he used to hold you. You remember the memories.

And your with a man that is everything he wasn't that you wanted. Yet you lost something for what you gained.

You know your in the right place with the right man.

But for you and I, it was foolish young love that has that certain ring to it that is almost dillusional. I miss that crazy falling in love, looking deep into each others eyes and falling in love time and time over.

I don't have that with my man. I probably never will. Its not his personality.

But in a lot of ways i get what i need from him. Everything we didn't have actually.

I guess you can't have everything.

I feel a little sad. Actually a lot sad at seeing her in your arms. I do miss you. I crave for you. But you know, its over now.

You went your way. I went mine.

No matter how much i miss you. How much you miss me. It's gone now.

Goodbye to you my love. That last bit of youth. Thank you for the memories of feeling that crazy love, even if it was for a moment that could not last.

I loved you at that time. 

That pang of anxiety

Dealing with his odd hours. He's most likely asleep. A hard working man.

But i miss not hanging out as a normal couple would. Of having a routine and seeing my man regularly. His social awkwardness that i adore but can leave me wanting more. Do i trust my instincts that something could be wrong.

Or do i just try harder. Relationships are difficult things that need trust and care and understanding and kindness. He's a lovely guy and its about being patient and making it work.

Will he call me back tonight. Yes of course. When he wakes up.

The price of success. 

A Perfect Boyfriend but...

So to have the man that all girls dream of. yes Mc Dreamy. The ER doc who turns up in scrubs after a shift in ER and will move his world for you.

Yet little comments make me defensive. I love him to bits but its a question of self respect.

The other day he joked with his friends that i was a 9-5. I hate that. My career is so much more. The other day he said he wants his kids to be doctors. I felt like i didn't matter.

I want kids to grow up respecting both me and him. Having a choice but also seeing that my life is also amazing.  That its respected. That its important.

And perhaps this is where that sudden bout of ambition comes from. Striving to be the best i can be.

feeling a lill lost

I feel like i have explored a lot of not so trodden paths. These days i feel a little lost. Yet also like i have achieved so much. That nothing is really worth changing in my life and if it wasn't for all that went on before, my life would not be as amazing as it is now.

To have a man with such a great heart that calls me all the time. Sure he is busy saving lives and working hard. But i am that sanctuary he craves at the start and end of each of his days.   And i, i love my life and i love the way he treats me.

He spoils me rotten and is that ideal boyfriend. And i know i can be that girl by his side that has it all together that drives him wild.

Its time and experience and confidence that allows such strong working relationships.

So thankyou for all the risks you took and for all that heart ache that never worked.

Everything is falling into place now because of all that did not in the past. 

What if you can afford it all

I grew up in a world of moderation and luxury. So what does that mean you ask?

I grew up to affluent parents who had migrated to a new country looking for new beginnings. They brought just enough wealth to be comfortable but the key was family values and faith in education and being a good person. Yes they took lowly jobs and they sought out the best that life could be with the cards that were drawn for them. They chose family and kids over building their own careers.

And i grew up in a middle class family in a bad neighbourhood with parents that had their dreams shattered for the sake of their kids.

And i grew up confident and classy and beautiful. Educated in the west in private girl schools, attending the best universities in the world, entering the workforce on top of my game and knowing only success.

With the cards i was dealt there really was no need to save. I worked hard, i studied hard and just as my parents said hard work pays off, i graduated into a world where i could afford multiple properties, overseas holidays, designer handbags, tiffany's and the car that i want. The savings piled up regardless and when i wanted to take a year off to do my MBA, well it required no change in lifestyle.

I guess i must just be lucky. 

thinking of my younger self

I read on about the past and question if i want to be there. The youth i miss and the time i miss. Yet time has brought confidence and a desire to be myself.

I know how to have a relationship these days and to compromise and to prioritise. I know how to have an amazing relationship with a man who is serious and calls me every night. I have the confidence to put work second and see that jet setting isn't full filling.

I have the education to be who i want to be and go where i want.

Sometimes life is beautiful. I miss my man right now but i know he is thinking of me and in time we will be together.

New Horizons

Life sometimes works out beautifully and you realise everything happens for a reason. On reconnecting with my roots and finding love elsewhere.

To that ambitious man with a heart of gold and down to earth manner and just a touch of arrogance that drives me crazy. To falling asleep in his arms knowing the future is in his arms.

Life sometimes feels all over the place. The state of the economy, growing older, life in general. Smooth sailing career wise for so long. Now its smooth sailing relationship wise.

It's where you focus really. Here's to really loving life again.

Patience is not my strong point but i am trying

There is a man i love and its really all been me with all the issues and problems. As 5 months of unemployment would have it.

I opened my heart to him and he was wonderful. And i took advantage of his generosity and pushed him aay as much as he could. A wall i put up for protection.

Now his dad is here and he has no time for me. Too much on. I just need to be patient and let life roll as it should.

I love him a lot and i hope i have not gone too far. If i have i have done the best i can with what i know and for that next big thing i will be a better person. But its about becoming a better person with him for i love him to bits.

I hope we can make it work. A bit of space and time and distance to make a heart grow fonder and love to shine through for we do love each other to bits.

Good night my lovely. I love you more than anything and miss you even more. I send messages of this to the net for i do not know that you want to hear this right now.

A man that i love

I think he is wonderful. This is a life lesson in compromise. And if we make it through we will become better people for it.

I need to meet him half way. Or even where he is. Respect his model of the world and understand mine is different. In times of trouble do it his way and give myself a break. Love him unconditionally.


He is a lovely wonderful man with the best of intentions.

On kicking new goals

And works brilliant. I love it. I am really kicking some massive goals. I feel like me again. 

To the love of my life

I'm sorry i stuffed up and just didn't appreciate the way i should have. You have been amazing and i need to seperate the culture and the age out of us to see that your intentions have always been pure and the best.

The thing is i love you to bits. I crave to fall asleep in your arms. Instead i write to the internet.

Good night baby. I miss you a lot. I hope i can speak to you soon. I love you. 

To the boy that used to be my world,

I never actually thought i would be writing to the internet instead of you. I somehow thought you were different. And it turns out that you may have been the worst. 

If your with a guy and you cry yourself to sleep at night because of him, then perhaps he is not the guy for you. 

If someone walks out of your life, just let them. There is no point begging or anything. Because the faith you need is that they know what you need and will be able to give it to you. Stop holding onto bits of nothing like you always have in the past and have some self respect. 

He has left. Let him be. You don't need to make him your everything. 

Somewhere along the way i made mistakes. Maybe its time to say goodbye and never make those mistakes ever again. Be with someone knew and accept that this was never going to work.

So that man i fell in love with is no longer here. 

A strange feeling of comfort

Its been a few tough weeks and i've wondered how i ended up where i am. But it gets to that stage where you realise you need to stop hurting and just get on with life. If he pulls away, just let him go and find my own life to enjoy rather than being so needy.

It will drive him nuts. As it already is.

I miss me and him. The way we used to be. The guy i thought he was.

Having invested so much time into this. Maybe its time to say goodbye. Maybe its time to work through all this. I'm not sure his family is bearable in my world.

I miss who he used to be. Or pretended to be. I know i;m in the wrong but today the way he was speaking, i felt like it was me against him and his family. And its not a nice feeling. I want to be with a man that thinks the world of me.

Thinking thinking.
Is this the life i want?

Is it time for that thankyou goodbye?

On letting life pass you by

I once had goals and ambitions and dreams. And then money stopped being a problem. I met a guy i loved. I got carried away and trusted him a little too much. We get angry, we fight. The things is, are my core values being compromised. Neither of us are right or wrong.

I love him and him me.

But tonight he sleeps elsewhere. He is sick. If we had a relationship i would be over looking after him right now. But i'm not sure if i am welcome.

I think what we used to have is gone.

Will it ever come back?

Mixed emotions

I'm in KL feeling like i hate him. I want a response and wishing i hadn't emailed. How did something so pure and wonderful turn into this?

Should i just have faith that he is amazing and go with it? Am i getting what i want out of this? If he disapeared from my life would i be ok?

Can i do better?

Do i love him?

Which way does the wind blow

I know one day i will miss these moments when he is so patient and kind. But at the end of the day i am not getting what i want from him.  Is it a matter of being patient and kind. Is this different to other times where i have picked fights. Am i really not getting what i want? Why am i craving for another man that i have not yet met.

I'm not wishing he was here. That magic is gone. Will it come back immediately? Will life work out for us.

I think time will tell. Its about having a go and having an open mind but standing by my needs as well. I can't keep this up for too long.

There are things i want from life and i know i am being impatient. He is a good looking boy who is fun to be with. Is he the guy to settle down with though? Will he ever. There is many a man i could settle down with.  Somebody ready to commit and ready for the next stage in their life.

Chasing fairy tales has gone on for long enough. Were we a holiday romance that dragged on too long during the course of a year off to study. Real life is setting in and our differences show.

He sends me beautiful messages. Buys me flowers. Drowns me with gifts and attention. Yet he has betrayed me also. He talks shit about me to his sister and his friends. A man i loved and trusted and wanted so much to be that couple with. He's lost my trust. All relationships lose their trust.

I dream of a man that will be by my side and stand up for me no matter what. I hope he can be that man.

Crying my eyes out

I'm still here in a wolrd thats mine but not mine at the same time. Another night where i just can't sleep. I'm in a relationship but not happy with it anymore.

Is it something wrong with me or is it the relationship.

What to do.

Once upon a time

All the things i love about him :

1. He is sweet and gentle

2. He is always reachable

3. He is always there when i need him

4. He tries his best to make my day special

5. He can't live without me

6. He craves my attention

7. Not a thing happens without him sharing the details with me

8. He cares about family and society and keeping the peace and calm

9. He has a great relationship with his family

10. He loves me

All the good things about him moving out:

1. Its doing the right thing

2. In the long run both sets of parents will be happy

3. I can travel and spend time alone as much as i want

4. I have more time to call friends and do my own thing when i feel like it

5. The time we spend together will be because we want to

6. we'll have a place to crash in the city

7. I can enjoy the life of freedom for a bit more time

8. It will give him space to miss me

All the things this will enable me to do:

1. Make more friends. C and S

2. Travel adhoc more. B and S

3. Wash my hair alone on some night

4. Enjoy the occasional night at banf

5. Dinner parties: G&N, S&D

6. Sunday sessions at my place, VDBMALS

7. Have my parents around more

8. Catch up with my sister alone

9. study and make new friends

All up there are good things in this. My feelings are out of some past hurt. This will work. He is sweet. I love him to bits.

A changing of the tide

A few days alone in a place that used to be home and visiting family and getting to know my roots and I am not so sure of him. Yes i love him, but i see a young boy finding his way in life. If he were to ask me to marry him tomorrow i would say yes because thats what i truly deeply want. But its these games we play and the life we lead and the things we do that do not lead to what we want that i can't quite deal with.

At the moment i have a boy i love. A few years ago i would have killed for a man that treated me so well. But now i want to settle down and the allure of these arranged marriages seem to grow stronger each day. I am scared of waiting around for nothing. That his promises and his words are not truth.

With him is leading a life thats half baked. I am making sacrifices but not getting what i want. The thing is how long do i wait. Am i sabotaging things too early when he has come through every other time. Does a one time blemish have to stay lingering for so long. Do i let it go and believe in the goodness in his heart.  How long do i wait?

How do i keep quiet and happy in the meantime when deep down i am not happy.

Is it through career. Getting it back on track and then sorting out the rest. For that sense of financial security is gold.  Is it for asking for what i want some more. A sense of space and time. A little time to be on my own and cool down and just be ok. More time for friends and making deeper connections. Sharing all the pitfalls in life with others and not just him. Recognising that he has chosen to move away.

I just want to be free again sometimes but when reality hits i know i'll miss him like crazy. Its about taking what you have and being happy with it all. Life doesn't always hand you what you want in life but its about looking on the brighter side and appreciating all the good things in life.

I have a boy thats dotes on me, thinks of me all the time and is stuck between a relationship and his youth. He wants the experience of wonder that the world offers and the security of a relationship with a girl he loves but has done it all. He tried so hard to be his best. Its about appreciating that man rather than picking holes. Its about being happy with me so that the little things don't matter. It's trying to feel secure about things again. I just really need to be happy again and get to that good place. I craved this so bad and now i have it. Appreciate it!!

You got what you wanted and only patience will get you the rest. 

Diving in head first

I've always loved taking chances and giving life everything. It's something i have loved about me. I want life to be spectacular. I want only the best. And so far in time in relationships its been reciprocated so few times.

I was starting to settle for good enough. And then one man came my way and for about six months life was perfect. And then little by little the trust eroded. But then it didn't. It came back. And now its nice with a few insecurities but promises of forever.  The diving in head first has left me somewhat vulnerable.

But then a man that takes your heart and breaks it apart is not worth it at all. And its better to find out now than later. Or you can give this everything you have and make it work. Make it work so much that you will wonder why you ever doubted it in the first place.

On many an occasion he has surprised me with amazing feats. I should just be patient and have that faith that he will make my world spin. There will be little blemishes in life. The strength of a couple is in getting past them. The memories of those good times are what we should remember to help us get through.

At the end of the day i love him with all my heart. A little more balance in life now might be just perfect. Perfect all round for a fabulous life for you and I.

Realisations on career

That i'm driven and motivated and born to succeed. That i love the feeling of travel and the taste of success. That i have not led myself astray in focusing on it and that taking a step back to put other things first has been fruitful in growing an amazing relationship but also to realise that putting career second is like clipping my wings.

And now its time to fly and be free. With a boy on my side that i love and the freedom to shine.

It's about being true to yourself and being the best you can be. 

Studying is like traveling without traveling

Because it changes who you are. Every time I leave home and return, its like i don't belong anymore. I've discovered and learnt new things and become someone else. The people around me are somewhat the same except they have forged new friendships and changed in many ways to fill the gap left by my void. And you feel this the most with those who are closest to you. People learn to live without you. You are no longer as close as you used to be.

So a new chapter must start and i wonder who these new friends of mine will be. I can't think of anyone off the top of my head but maybe i just need to enrol in a few things and forge some closer friendships with people i click with in the moment. Maybe work will bring more in this way.

I feel this will be healthy for me and my relationship. To have the time and space to build up a life i love again. Spend moments with my parents. To appreciate family.

At the moment i resent him for not always being around. But thats because i drop my world for him and make him my everything. Its not healthy for me. Its not healthy for him. A bit of space and doing our own things will get us to appreciate what we really do have. Which is amazing.

Like right now. I love that i am here alone. This trip would not of worked with us together. Too much pressure.  And its getting us closer together. So perhaps what we need is just a little bit of space to have our own lives while being completely madly in love with each other and spending time together.

Maybe its about enlisting in classes and learning new things and enjoying the world. Maybe i should learn to dance or something like that. Get those creative juices flowing. 

to sort out some loose ends

So i checked his messages and found some pretty intimate conversations about how much he disliked me. He was musing with his sister and calling her pet names.

We got over it. He said sorry.

Yet things just feel really weird.

I feel we should sort this out before out one year and that fabulous holiday for it hasn't. How to sort it out though.

A quick email or in person.

musings at night

Things have changed lately. I'm on holiday back in a land that was once home and spending time on my own visiting relatives. These are times of self discovery and realisations. Of experiences that change your word and you perception of the way things are.

I'm touched by the generosity and goodwill and kindness i see all around me. I miss the sense of family and belonging that comes so naturally and that gets taken for granted. For the first time ever i feel a sense of home.

Back in my real home my lovely parents await. They too just love this place. Take away the ameneties and the niceties of life that make it all so comfortable and you wonder what a sterile world home can be. Yes i love being on my own but i see something here that is so wonderful.

I keep in touch with my boy everyday and he praises me with words of love and happiness. Everything a girl would ever want to hear from their man. Yet there is an emptiness associated with me and him. Of me wanting something more and him being only a boy with a magical world to explore. A magical world i have already explored and now have new sights in mind.

I do love him. I feel i need to get to know him more. Part of me just wants to settle down. The other part of me just wants to get to know who he really is because i really do wonder about that.

For a while it was going so swimmingly. We were living together and things were getting to that feeling of stability and commitment that makes you feel wonderful when you fall asleep in his arms each night. But now he is moving out with a friend and needs a little space. He says not much will change. I am holidaying on my own.

There are so many wonderful moments though. He spoils me on all occasions. A boy that gushes over you with tiffany's and roses and words of love and beauty. A boy that misses me to bits when i am not around and seems to be a little lost.

I'm just a little worried but its probably nothing that a little time and patience can't solve. I want to feel that depth of security and love again. In time it will come i hope.

Maybe for the moment its about figuring out what my needs and wants are. I like my space and have not asked for it out of fear that he will move away. But staying has not helped. Maybe a night a week alone would do us wonders. And those phone calls to friends i have not made because he is in my company always. Perhaps i should make time for them. And that occasional trip alone, well why not. Its not like we don't do most things together. A little time on my own occasionally with the comfort of knowing your relationship can survive anything, if not get stronger may be a good thing in the context of being together for eternity.

A chance to be me and who i am and adjust to a way of life that really works.

I want to feel happy again about me and him. For us to act out of love and kindness and passion for each other. I want to feel nothing but goodness towards him for he really is a wonderful man that is trying his best.

The freedom of Travel

So i got a job. I got the relationship back on track. But really its the thought of travel and being free in the world that actually excites me. Its what makes me feel alive and real.

It's about finding my true self and life looking up again. 

Life Skills in making it all work

Relationships are hard work. They always will be. Its the effort you put in and the faith you have that ends up in right place.

We had problems. We talked it out. We worked it out. He is not perfect. Neither am i. But together this is stronger than anything i have ever known.

It's not exactly what i want but life goes on. I can make it work. Moments were lovely and we are heading in the right direction. I love him lots and am starting to see the real him. Him with I too.

Life is starting to get back to normal. Jobs are plenty, life is beautiful.

I want to move onto another stage in life but my boy is not ready for that yet. I want to move with him to a beautiful place. Wake up to waves crashing against our bedroom window.

The end of unemployment

And today i got some relief. A victory really and a sense of achievement. It may be a backward step in other's mind but this is exactly what i want. Time to spend with my parents. A job selling billion dollar deals. Based out of the city i love and want to be in.

There is a man in my life who is so lovely. But also a little bit flaky because he is so young. I'm in two minds. Do i tell my mum to just set me up with some man from lanka. Settle down because i am ready and live happily ever after as that is what i want. Or do i keep going with this.

The thing is i loved who he used to be. Now he is unsure and i have no confidence. So is it time to just walk away.

Almost doesn't count... that's what keeps repeating in my mind.

I thought he was everything. He turned out to be like every other man in my life - temporarily disguised as something more.

I have a job now. Maybe i let him go and see what happens. Have my own life.

Do i tell my mum to find someone for me. Let her introduce me to a man that wants me to make a sacrifice. To someone that wants to settle down. I'm the girl who's super successful but willing to give it all up for a man thats sure about it all.

The thing is he is not.

Is it time to say goodbye?

Maybe - but stay low for a bit while you figure it out....

The lucky one

Its one of those days. It's been a while since i've had that fabulous feeling. But then at times i realise how fabulous the world actually is. When things start crashing down, its about remembering who i really am.

So i have more education than most in the world. Prestigious universities. An engineering degree and an MBA from only the best in the most liveable city in the world.  I've worked for the tier 1 companies all my life and known nothing but success. I've travelled the world for pleasure and work. Spend time at airports and business lounges contemplating buying that designer handbag most could only dream of.

I have a home with ocean views. A boy that dotes on me and love me and holds me so tight every night. Parents that love me.

I'm actually one of those people that have achieved what others may called a pipedream. I;ve jumped out of a plane, i've spend a month trekking through the himalayas, i've fallen off a surfboard and struggled to get up while falling off my ski's on snow. I've wished i could walk better in stilletos in the snow while on a business trip to the other side of the city.

I was able to take a year off and more and sustain myself in a luxury world. Holidays amoungst study. I own two investment properties, a share portfolio i have lost track of, a luxury apartment decked out with only the best.

So i've been unemployed for a bit since finishing study. The thing is i'm also picky. I only want to do what i am passionate about and to have a job i love. I get along well with CEO's and am someone amazing set to achieve big things in life.

This feeling of stress and insecurity that i feel at times. I will look back and laugh. For one day , even today the job will come. Its a matter of seeing reality for what it is. I have this amazing life and it takes hard work and time and patience to keep at it. I couldn't of made any decision any differently because every step i have taken has led me to where i am.

Is there anyone i wish i was? No way.

There is no one with the success' behind them and the personal relationships i have that would want to make me swap my life with anyone.  Life is just really good and its about appreciating the good things in life.

Thankyou world for giving me so much and continuing to do so. 

One of those days

I need to find a job.

I'm hungry for it. I know what i want. To work for a multinational in sales in the power sector.

But my search is far and wide after four months of unemployment. Its been a while. It's placing strain on my relationships. I have a man that i love but he is leaving.  Sort of. He still treats me better than any man has ever. Its just he's not meeting up to the standards that he himself has set. And i miss his old self

But i guess life is about compromises. If he was making too many, now is my time.

I love him. I want a job. I want life back on track again.

Willing that perfect role to come my way. Sending good vibes.