Tonight I started reconnecting with myself

 As lockdown ends and we can socialise and meet in person, I finally said yes to a dinner and meditation session. 

And yes I had to force myself to go while I was feeling crappy. But lately reading all these buddhist teachings, I just remembered that it was all just thoughts. I was in a down mode but at some stage that mode will be up or neutral. Thats life.

But I felt really good. Listening to the monk today and spending time with others who are just as spiritual as I am and having tea afterwards and bathing in the kindness and compassion, it just felt peaceful. Something I've been missing in life that I want to get back into.

Sure Netflix and chill and alcohol with R got me through lockdown. I almost thought it was it if it wasn't for his freaking out. But maybe it's a good thing we have. We like each others company but also have the space to do what we want to do. And this spiritual life and friendships - they bring me peace. A life worth living.

I just feel content with everything as it is. And a reminder just to focus on the present moment - not the past or the future. Just to make the most of what I have right now. 

And another fairytale hits the dust

This too shall pass.

This time I accept things as they are. I still very much like him very much but my expectations are changing. Maybe we could still be friends. 

Everyone must say goodbye to each other at some stage. And for us we just don't know when. 

I had a lovely time with you. In some ways you tell me you want nothing yet treat me better than most guys have in a long time. 

I feel like you bring me back down to earth in a lot of ways. 

But you don't want long term and no commitment, so its a practice in non attachment that will probably be good for me. 

And I need to get back into my buddhist teachings and meditation.

So this time it is not saying goodbye. It is enjoying what we have and your company for as long as it lasts and it still fits for both of us.