Another you an I

So we end up here, in my place, but nothing happens

But i know your a great guy, only the best at heart, so much to happen , life goes well.

I hope one day we can work out, that perhaps we are meant to be together.

Who knows? But i do know, i like you, and i think you like me

Do we really need more than that?

I wish we could run away together

We get along so well you and I. We have conversations that transend time, that open our minds, that gives me that intellectual high.

And those flirty moment between us, the passion in there, the chemistry too.

Perhaps not trust. You hurt me once and lately, your hitting on my friend.

And i react, i find others, i run away too.

Neither of us is perfect, yet we are perfect for each other. I think that however we will never be, for neither of us will take that step to open out hearts.

So from the sidelines we will ache at the fact that we get along so well...

With the wind beneath my feet racing through life

Its been one of those weeks where its up, its down, its stressful, its exciting , it rewarding and most of all exhilarating. Feeling alive once more due to the abundance of odd quirky moments where you can but laugh.

So was it meeting that cute doctor on the plane who just happened to know the best places to go for a quiet drink over some live music in Christchurch or was it getting stuck in customs and letting half the world help me out. Perhaps it was that moment where we distracted the cab driver by giving him ice cream or the moment where we realised wine bottles could not be taken on international flight so started giving it away to random friendlies.

It was one of those weeks, speeding through airports, dining with CEO's, playing pool in illicit places, drinking cocktails and five star hotels.

Getting home life is no different, musicals, personal trainers, body pump classes, a walk along the beach with a good friend and jogging a few km's along a beautiful lake.

Its what i call a wonderful week & weekend.

One of those weeks....

Speeding through life on the back of your motorbike

Once a long time ago, i was speeding through the wonders of Goa on the back of your motor bike, with the wind in my hair. I clutched onto you as we sped by the little towns, through paddy fields and beautiful mountains, beaches and curious minds.

I felt so special, i felt so alive. I saw the wonder in the others eyes. Was it because of us and what we shared, was it that you were so powerful or was it something in myself, that glint in our eyes?

What i do know is that i felt alive. It was one of those moments where you know the memory will linger with you forever. I loved the feel of your bare skin, i loved the wind through my hair, i loved the world that i was apart of.

I knew i did not belong, i knew that the moment was fleeting, but it was that moment where i got to star in my very own fairytale.

I still think that all the heartache that followed was worth it. Its moments like that where you feel so alive, where you appreciate the finer things, that you grow, that you smile, that you know you have lived.

Success breeds more success

There is a saying, "you got to have money to make money"

Similarly i feel success works the same way. You suddenly make it and a rush of support and opportunities flow your way to push you even further trajecting you even further than the pack.

Growing up the encouragement, the expectations and the investment in my education got me to where i did. Graduating from the No. 1 university in Australia with a coupe of honours degrees with a number of global liasons and work experience's in my backup, i walked straight into the world of multinational entreprises and succession management.

Having already been identified as having too much talent to be a evryday naysayer, i was thrust upon more training courses, more experiences to challenge and grow, more money to pursue my dreams. Life with all its self made challenges carefully designed to boost that ego and grow as a person, perfectly cushioned on a bed of clouds saw me on a high speed train through the corporate ladder while others just grunted along.

Never a complain, the opportunities just appeared at my door.

Sometimes you just need a boost to succeed. Someone that cares, someone that believes in you, someone that challenges you, yet provides a soft landing for those inevitable failures that only lead to even greater destinies. I am lucky to have had all this, for having made my mark at such a young age such that the world could spiral and i could spiral with it.

Its time to give something back. Encourage, contribuite, do my thing for those that may not have had the same opportunities at their door.

Someone to look upto, admire and idolise

Almost a decade ago i met a girl, and although she does not know it, she altered my life. She was funky, she was stylish, she was confident, she was beautiful and all the boys and girls loved her. She was a fellow engineer, a few years ahead of me and her career choices and attitude made such a difference in attitude to my life.

I idolise her to this day. Following in her footsteps in my own way through work experiences, traversing the world and finding inspiration in her spirit as she grows with age.

She has a man, a life, a career and all that i could want. Its rare to find a women in this world who has trodden on a similar path to your own that you can aspire to be.

While she does not know it, i admire and look upto her from a far.

Another somebody falls away

I can feel you slipping away. Perhaps it was something i said, perhaps it was something i did not say. I can seem mean and tough at times but i'm all soft on the inside, it just takes a while to get to that.

Or am i blaming myself out of insecurity?

I've been waiting for a mail from you. I've missed you. I've been anxious. Now i'm saying goodbye.

I didn't really know you so well but you were hopping into my world.

Pity that was it. On saturday i will delete you forever.

Goodbye to you.

Another dear david

I sent you a note the other week with an outright lie. I told you i was maried.

We are not even talking so why would i tell you that. You wished me well. Perhaps one day we would be friends.

Remember those few nights we spent together. We had fun. I had fun, i really think you did too. I hated how you disapeared. I let myself down by letting you in repeatedly.

I have a new crush on a man. I'm just waiting for a response from him. He's a good guy tho -- he will respond.

David -- i still miss you at times. My little white lie means we will never be together. Not that you probably would have ever called back.

I don't think your all that you made yourself out to be. But i'm not looking for all that. I just thought we had a spark. I want to sit on the floor sipping red wine, eating takeout and watching the world go by.

Its too late now. Life has moved us on.

Feeling anxious

Sometimes i wonder if it is just me. Everytime i'm waiting for a guy, weather its an email, phonecall, some sort of smile or sign, i'm anxious and on the edge of my seat until i get a response.

Is it insecurity? Is it something else?

So i'm waiting for him to contact me. Say hello. Say something.

We moved to facebook and it allows you to spy on another life. Its also exposing yourself. Is he rejecting me or is he just busy?

I wait i wait i wait....

We've moved from email to facebook

So my arranged email dude suggested we become facebook friends. The anticipation of emails, it lingers on the background but your now exposed to this voyouristic view of someone else's life. We learn about each other in leaps and bounds, and in anticipation wonder if one of us will reject.

So he is a bit smaller and skinnier than i would like. Yet still nice and build and fit but you know how it is. But then - is that so important?

And our lives - ever so different. He reminds me of my little sister who has stayed in a city long enough to build those deep and meaningful friendships, where life becomes one party after another.

I'm grappling with the fact that he lives with his parents at 30 years of age, yet he owns a massive home in his name so is that excused.

Only time will tell if we will work, if he is still into me, if i am still into him...