A new Dawn

Tomorrow we start a new chapter in life and everything will change again. It's bitter sweet. Exciting in some ways for a new beginning in life, yet at the same time a sadness for the goodbyes I am saying.

Sometimes it feels like we are closer than ever. I look at you and have such feelings of love and fondness for you. I feel like your family is my very own.  In someways life is up and down and you can't get what you always want so I wonder if I need to be grateful for what we have together. The nice guy that you are and the way you treat me. 

Entering that new space

 We are closer yet so further apart. In some way settling into a couple life but in other ways growing further and further apart as we realise we want different things. 

Tonight maybe you need to be alone and I am intruding. You finished work and have retreated into your own personal space. I am just hanging around with nothing to do.

 I can't tell if you are perfectly fine or lost in distraction or trying to deny your feelings but are actually grieving quite heavily inside following your mothers death. I can't tell if I am helping or not by being here. 

A beautiful friendship and lovers we could have been. 

Starting a new chapter in life

Life is constantly evolving and changing. Nothing ever stays still. And sometimes we just need to learn to let go and follow the ebs and flows of life as they come.

Just as art group stopped, lockdowns stopped, lentils shut, miss Jackson shut, work ended. We got closer and then in over my head.

Now a new chapter is beginning.

In your space

I'm on you couch as I write this. Stuck somewhere between more than friends and less than lovers for partners.  I'm not sure about a lot of things to do with us. I'm not even sure about you or us anymore. 

I wish we could make time travel faster to get to a place where you don't matter anymore. Where you are no longer a part of my life. Yet every little step is bringing us closer together. Yet it should be in the opposite direction. 

We are too different. The kids situation is starting to feel a little too weird. Us is starting to feel a little too weird. And I'm craving a new you. Someone I have yet to meet.

And then I unbroken up with you

 I'm not good at breaking ups. We have made amends. Life goes on.

I broke up with a guy

 For the first time in my life. I asked him to remove himself from my life. Maybe this is progress. Knowing what I don't want and developing an ability to walk away.

I'm not sure about us

 not sure if we work

not sure if you even want to be with me

not sure either way.

Sorry.

I might have to say goodbye.