I'm not going to call him

Its yet another night, another man, another potential life.

this time i'm following the rules. I won't call him.

The many yesterdays long gone

And today i was searching through my past for contacts from long ago. A business trip taking me to the other side of the world. A place of past significance.

And i could tell through my trip back through memory lane that times had changed. Emails long forgotten, pages and pages of notes, missing each other, describing one anothers life, the effort and the will. Emails of love long lost, of the passion and intensity of hurt, of caring and of spending the time to show that you do. Tears flow freely as i read, remembering a time when these walls which surround me didn't exist. When the walls surrounding my friends and lovers did not exist.

These days life is described in facebook status messsages, with an sms in 160 characters, with a glance at a photo in a newsfeed. These days i wait for the phone to ring because otherwise he's just not into me. These days we all have three hundread friends but know not any all that well.

There are many men

There are many men right now. Who is it to be, someone in the past, present or future. Anything can happen.

I'm comfortable, i don't need a man as such. Financially stable, my life together, things could not be more perfect.

So who is that elusive perfect man to spend the rest of my life with.

The cutie at work that makes me smile, the flashback from the past that knows me so well or the man of the moment who make up my day dreams or the man that is long gone that i still think about.

The cutie at work, Mr T, with the perfect amount of nerdiness and ambition and cute that i've already fallen for him.  I think he's cute, i think he's brilliant, i enjoy asking for his help and i think he definitely enjoys helping me.  I am all fondness for this man.

And then the flashback from the past. Imagine lazing back with your best friend, discussing the ways of the world, the architecture of happiness with your best friend. Imagine hours passing by, simply feeling like minutes....

And what of the man of the moment. The accidental wake up in the arms of a man who still treats you well and keeps you guessing.  The one who seems so compatible and meets that whole checklist you had in your mind. What do you do when your faced with a male version of yourself?

And then there is the man that seems long gone, a certain Dvid symons that i fell head over heels for who entered and left my life just as abrupt. I miss him too as i felt we had something.  I felt that together we would have been powerful together.......

So one day it will be one of these many or none of these men or some one entirely new or old....Life will unfold and only time will hold the essence of the truth....

A modern day fairy tale

Imagine a world where it was not sleeping beauty rescued by her knight in shining armor nor a snow white saved by her prince charming.

Imagine a world where women have their own, living in bachlerette pads in sleek apartments, high profile globetrotting careers, designer handbags and a line up of men. 

Imagine a world where your blackberry holds the keys to your life, where its one call after another, where the adrelene of the business world runs through your veins. 

Life is beautiful and yet so hard al at the same time.

On Falling for a man yet again

Expectation, anticipation, fear, excitement.

That smile on your face. 

Yes its hard, yes its amazing, yes all is at stake while the world is also at your fingertips.

That is the feeling of falling for a man. There is no going back, no going forward, just a matter of riding through and seeing where life takes you.

Life, Life, Life

One man, many crushes, and a little longing.

I wonder where David is, i wonder if he thinks of me? I wonder if he craves for me?