Life has always worked out. Career, family, friendships, success, its like i have a map for the trajectory of sucess and all i need to do is float along. Love however is another thing.
Ok the real reason i am even writing this post is that my feelings are hurt, i am hurting and there is a man that has broken my heart.
Maybe i did all the wrong things, maybe i don't know how to pull a man, maybe i was too eager or put too much pressure on. But its still hurts. He never got to know me, never really cared. I miss him now and i missed him lots. I have hated that i have missed him but non the less if he were to contact me right now my heart would light up and i would have a smile on my face.
I dont know if i should walk away, to give up. I sometimes wonder, this could be a chance of a lifetime to be happy, to be with my perfect man, do i let it go for pride and some stupid rules on love. Or do i lay myself out open to get hurt more and more.
What do i stand to loose? I have already lost my pride.
The answer is that i'm not sure. I don't know him so well, he does not know me. In some ways he represents who i want to be but not necessarily who i want to be with as a lover. But oh how i would love to have him as a lover.
That night we spent together, with his body close to mine, with his arms around me, with knowing i could reach out at any moment and he would me mine. That was priceless. But so fleeting for he is here one moment and gone another. And he does not look back, he does not crave me, he so easily walks away.
Without bothering to understand, without caring that he hurt me.
I don't know. I just don't know.
I fell for a David Symons and he let me down.
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