Perhaps there will never be a him

Sometimes you can live your life in the shadows. I don't think for the most part i do. But then again when it comes to relationships and falling in love with a fairytale, i live in my own fantasy world. Sometimes the men slip away as my fantasy world is so great, they don't even get a foot in the door.

The thing is lately, i've been thinking that perhaps i will never meet the perfect him. That perhaps i am ok with that.

I meet plenty of men. I think i always will. The thing is the right ones don't excite me. The latter has immense emotional issues and causes much distress.

Then i think about how i have it all. Ocean views, earning enough for two, even three people, a striving career and a touch for thrill and adventure. I think of what's excited me recently.  It was the possibility of climbing a glacier, learning to ice climb, attempting some of the highest peaks in the world, writing that business plan for world domination...It was also moments spend with family that i value so much.

The latest thrills were not about him or falling in love. If anything they represent the sadness in my world.

So perhaps i do not need him. So perhaps if i do not meet the man of my dreams thats just A.Ok with me. Perhaps i will be happier this way.

I can keep dating. I will keep having men in my life. He just won't be a soul mate thats all. Perhaps because that soul mate doesn't exist. Its too late. I've learnt to live on my own and now no one can stand up and shine.