Monday, January 18, 2016

At a crossroads

I am content in life.

But also at a crossroads. I feel calmer. All that anxiety gone. I've been seeing a psychologist that is really helping me understand myself better, where my fears come from and how to be content in life and to accept myself and find that peace and calm in life i crave.

At the same time i am thinking that i have outgrown my boy. His immature ways. Learning to accept myself but also stand up for myself.

I also crave to fly away. Maybe to another land. Start a new adventure. A new life. I have savings once more. My investments seem to manage themselves.  Works is a bit quiet albeit i get paid well.

I sometimes think if the time i spend having fun is less that the hard moments, its time to let go. But also, i have held on too tight to many a man. Is this my practice for learning to let go. To learn a new life skill. One that my sister is so good with.

I know i will meet many a man in the future. If i can't truly see myself having a kid with him, if i just don't feel quite right about it, do i just need to trust my instinct.

From day one i liked him as a friend. But i let it get to something more because we were the best of friends. They say friendships are the best to progress to something more. In this case i'm not so sure.

We are so messy. But then so is life.

That fairytale you have of the man of your dreams when your just a kid is long gone. Reality hits and life goes on.

Sometimes it feels so helpless. Having everything in life but nothing. I crave to feel passion.


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