I'm generally not having a good week. But for a change my life back at home is looking pretty good. Things are starting to look up.
I'm not desperate to be with you anymore. I want it to be on equal terms and compromise. I understand why you don't want me, I have my flaws. But then you have your downsides too.
And you are a guy that never committed or settled down. So maybe I should just accept you for who you are and we just go back to being friends. And I go back to searching for someone that is in love with me, wants to live with me, build a life with me, hold my hand and grow old together. Someone that says goodnight each night, that they miss me and does a little more than watch movies on the couch.
This life is yours. Not mine. I got used to it out of lockdown loneliness.
We have had great times today. Affectionate times. Times of caring. But sometimes two peoples lives are so different and two people want very much different things. So sometimes we just need to move on.
To stay or go. Going is harder than staying. Going and finding something that fits will be better than saying and resenting the life that I have.
I know it can't always be good times but I feel this is coming to a natural end. The friendship will stay, but maybe just as everything around us changes, maybe what we have will too into something better than before....
Now to have the courage to make a decision.
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