Or maybe I lost my way. Or I found myself because of you and now I have outgrown you. For a while I stayed for all the wrong reasons. But you helped me get my life together. And then you became the person that I let it fall apart with. But now I am staying because I don't want to leave while you are going through a tough time.
Once upon a time in lockdown we worked so well. We were fresh and new and life was simple and I was happy to get any company I could. You saved me from myself. Helped me lose some weight. Become the old me again.
But now, a year in, I find myself living out of a bag off the floor in your room. Working around your schedule and your kids and your life. You haven't made an effort to become apart of my life at all. And I understand why we don't see each other much anymore but I can see that your cleaner, your Gardner and your shopping is more important to you than me. There is not a single photo you have of me. You've never told me you like me, let alone love me. You're affectionate when you want to be.
I'm scared to leave you out of loneliness. But these days I feel lonely around you. That I play second fiddle to the rest of your life.
And the distance between us right now is for a good reason. But you're also helping me stand on my own two feet. And see that this life we have built, this non together, sometimes together life is something I do not want.
I want to build a life with someone. Grow old together with someone. Meet someone that see's me a little more than a companion.
I think I've stayed too long.
In a lot of ways you've helped me more than anyone. But also caused a lot of my grief that led to the way things are. I feel I am at a turning point in life where things will start looking up soon.
Is it time to walk away? We have a friendship based on a few texts a day, a minute or two of conversation and chats mostly about you and a little about me.
You make it easy to see other people.
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