That elusive him

And its another night alone, yet no longer feeling lonely. Life gets busy but sometimes it brings with it a smile. And then there are two men and then there are none but it does not matter because i have just bought my own little piece of the world, because my family loves me unconditionally, because my career is taking off in leaps and bounds, because my friends are beautiful, because i am beautiful.

I smile as i think of him. The one that came across so charming and nice, caught me off guard with just the perfect amount of nice and being a man. And although it never worked i still think fondly of him, of a boy i didn't try enough to hold onto. A boy i still harbour a little bit of hope for but in the midst of life have decided to leave a while.

And then there is the other him. That elusive man who steps in and out of my life, the one made for my daydreams. The one that makes my heart race. I miss him, i want him and yet i am too scared to call or make a move. He is perfect for me, essentially all i want in a man except that he is never with me, except that he does not want me in the same way.

So in between my perfect life i skip through moments of him, wondering, contemplating. It does not matter really. When the time comes, all will unfold. For now all i can do is smile fondly, wondering where life will take me.