You have less expectations and fantasies. You live less in a dream world and more in reality. The sad thing is that a little bit of the dreamer in you also disappears. Without you even realising.
Somewhere along the way you get to spend a long time with a guy without worrying too much about where things are going. His cuddles and companionship are enough. I have missed being in the arms of a man so much. I have missed having sex. And the sex is pretty good too. At least when we have not been drinking it is tingling and magical. But even with the drinks, it has been pretty amazing. And most of all ever so comfortable to explore each other and talk about anything.
But at any other time I would be fantasising so much about something long term, marriage, building a life together. With age comes the realisation that you can have certain dreams but that they may not come through. That maybe that dream of building a life together with another person isn't ever going to happen. That you just fit into their life or that's it or they fit into yours. Somehow, somewhere.
But these things stopped bothering me so much. I accept reality. Sure I long for house hunting together with a guy and building a life. But that moment is long gone. So it's the little things that matter.
And it feels like we are something. But then I accept if we are not. It's no longer all in my head. It all seems to be heading in the right direction. We are an easy couple to be. Even though we don't talk about it, I feel like you express a lot with your touch and your actions and the whole hearted attention you give to me which is rare these days.
And you inspire me to be the same with you.
We are gentle and kind to each other. So lets see how things go.
Somewhere in between more than friends and less than a relationship...
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