Things have changed lately. I'm on holiday back in a land that was once home and spending time on my own visiting relatives. These are times of self discovery and realisations. Of experiences that change your word and you perception of the way things are.
I'm touched by the generosity and goodwill and kindness i see all around me. I miss the sense of family and belonging that comes so naturally and that gets taken for granted. For the first time ever i feel a sense of home.
Back in my real home my lovely parents await. They too just love this place. Take away the ameneties and the niceties of life that make it all so comfortable and you wonder what a sterile world home can be. Yes i love being on my own but i see something here that is so wonderful.
I keep in touch with my boy everyday and he praises me with words of love and happiness. Everything a girl would ever want to hear from their man. Yet there is an emptiness associated with me and him. Of me wanting something more and him being only a boy with a magical world to explore. A magical world i have already explored and now have new sights in mind.
I do love him. I feel i need to get to know him more. Part of me just wants to settle down. The other part of me just wants to get to know who he really is because i really do wonder about that.
For a while it was going so swimmingly. We were living together and things were getting to that feeling of stability and commitment that makes you feel wonderful when you fall asleep in his arms each night. But now he is moving out with a friend and needs a little space. He says not much will change. I am holidaying on my own.
There are so many wonderful moments though. He spoils me on all occasions. A boy that gushes over you with tiffany's and roses and words of love and beauty. A boy that misses me to bits when i am not around and seems to be a little lost.
I'm just a little worried but its probably nothing that a little time and patience can't solve. I want to feel that depth of security and love again. In time it will come i hope.
Maybe for the moment its about figuring out what my needs and wants are. I like my space and have not asked for it out of fear that he will move away. But staying has not helped. Maybe a night a week alone would do us wonders. And those phone calls to friends i have not made because he is in my company always. Perhaps i should make time for them. And that occasional trip alone, well why not. Its not like we don't do most things together. A little time on my own occasionally with the comfort of knowing your relationship can survive anything, if not get stronger may be a good thing in the context of being together for eternity.
A chance to be me and who i am and adjust to a way of life that really works.
I want to feel happy again about me and him. For us to act out of love and kindness and passion for each other. I want to feel nothing but goodness towards him for he really is a wonderful man that is trying his best.
I'm touched by the generosity and goodwill and kindness i see all around me. I miss the sense of family and belonging that comes so naturally and that gets taken for granted. For the first time ever i feel a sense of home.
Back in my real home my lovely parents await. They too just love this place. Take away the ameneties and the niceties of life that make it all so comfortable and you wonder what a sterile world home can be. Yes i love being on my own but i see something here that is so wonderful.
I keep in touch with my boy everyday and he praises me with words of love and happiness. Everything a girl would ever want to hear from their man. Yet there is an emptiness associated with me and him. Of me wanting something more and him being only a boy with a magical world to explore. A magical world i have already explored and now have new sights in mind.
I do love him. I feel i need to get to know him more. Part of me just wants to settle down. The other part of me just wants to get to know who he really is because i really do wonder about that.
For a while it was going so swimmingly. We were living together and things were getting to that feeling of stability and commitment that makes you feel wonderful when you fall asleep in his arms each night. But now he is moving out with a friend and needs a little space. He says not much will change. I am holidaying on my own.
There are so many wonderful moments though. He spoils me on all occasions. A boy that gushes over you with tiffany's and roses and words of love and beauty. A boy that misses me to bits when i am not around and seems to be a little lost.
I'm just a little worried but its probably nothing that a little time and patience can't solve. I want to feel that depth of security and love again. In time it will come i hope.
Maybe for the moment its about figuring out what my needs and wants are. I like my space and have not asked for it out of fear that he will move away. But staying has not helped. Maybe a night a week alone would do us wonders. And those phone calls to friends i have not made because he is in my company always. Perhaps i should make time for them. And that occasional trip alone, well why not. Its not like we don't do most things together. A little time on my own occasionally with the comfort of knowing your relationship can survive anything, if not get stronger may be a good thing in the context of being together for eternity.
A chance to be me and who i am and adjust to a way of life that really works.
I want to feel happy again about me and him. For us to act out of love and kindness and passion for each other. I want to feel nothing but goodness towards him for he really is a wonderful man that is trying his best.
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