On monday night i had dinner with a successful colleague and his girlfriend and a few others. He's six foot tall and turned up with hot tall model dancer combination. He had wooed her off her feet.
I in my flat shoes, skinny jeans and what would have been a trendy top in any other setting felt so inadequate. Sure she did not have my brains but she had everything else including a man wrapped around her little finger.
It made me think about the certain kind of men i date. These are the men that go for her type features. The type of girl who's legs and adoration you can show off and feel so manly about. I'm not that girl.
It made me think of David who was on top of the girl, had that build and that white blood to hang amoungst the men of the world. I was not a handbag to show off.
Then i thought of G, of a smaller build, of his indian blood. Who would he take to show off in these settings? Would he even compete in this setting? He may have that quite confidence but in these social interactions if one were to pick the battles that they can only win, this would be left alone.
The thing is i headed off the next day to business meetings in bangkok and singapore. The thing is that was the day i got the promotion and now looked after a whole continent in what i do well. I was the one that has climbed the highest mountains and dived the ocean shore, the one who traverses the world at a whim. Perhaps she envied me also? Or perhaps she was so happy in her own skin that she did not even notice?
For some reason i just feel deflated. Inadequate. Today.
I in my flat shoes, skinny jeans and what would have been a trendy top in any other setting felt so inadequate. Sure she did not have my brains but she had everything else including a man wrapped around her little finger.
It made me think about the certain kind of men i date. These are the men that go for her type features. The type of girl who's legs and adoration you can show off and feel so manly about. I'm not that girl.
It made me think of David who was on top of the girl, had that build and that white blood to hang amoungst the men of the world. I was not a handbag to show off.
Then i thought of G, of a smaller build, of his indian blood. Who would he take to show off in these settings? Would he even compete in this setting? He may have that quite confidence but in these social interactions if one were to pick the battles that they can only win, this would be left alone.
The thing is i headed off the next day to business meetings in bangkok and singapore. The thing is that was the day i got the promotion and now looked after a whole continent in what i do well. I was the one that has climbed the highest mountains and dived the ocean shore, the one who traverses the world at a whim. Perhaps she envied me also? Or perhaps she was so happy in her own skin that she did not even notice?
For some reason i just feel deflated. Inadequate. Today.
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