Struggling - a bit

Today he looked good. He was dressed up and on top of his game. Maybe he is better with the possibility of a relationship down the drain. We both are hurt. I don't really know how he feels. Is he hurt? Is he a narcisist? Two very different things but i don't know him at all. Really. Do i just let it go, let him feel good whatever way he can. And there is a man i day dream about. I can't wait for his return to home. I'm looking forward to a night we have both been waiting for a long time. Perhaps it should have been him and I a long time ago. For all that i am upset by a man who turned out to be a pathological liar, i need to thank him for making me appreciate the wonderful man right in front of me all along. I accidently fell for him so he could break my heart and realise that strangers do not fill the gap for years of friendship. And yes its hard. Breakups always are. After all you are the first and only guy i ever introduced to my parents. But really, you didn't really know me did you? Sometimes i hate you? Other times i love you and wish we could spend forever together and that you would give me a convincingly good reason for your infidelity and why you would never do it again. Part of me still loves you. Craves you. Misses you. But reality is what it is. I have my options. You are dodgy and sleazy and have no concept of faithfullness. Thank you goodbye. Hello to another.