The exhileration of success or something else

Yes i loved sitting by the beach for a week, but today at work was fun and thrilling and amazing. Even with an impending breakup. I couldn't stop beaming. Was it being back at work in my element or was it something else? With that something else being the possibility of a new lover and the realisation of the type of man that would make life work. So tonight i jumped on a 11PM call to discuss business strategy. The thing is, i added value. Back in the day i remember hoping to sit on these things, now i'm just needed. I love it, it makes me happy. And with the man i accidently fell for. Part of me is sorry for ever going for him and mucking up his life temporarily. In the end its culture that made me walk away, not so much the illness. Everyone can get ill at any stage, and i believe one can work with it. But fundamentally, the strength of family and relationships and what it takes to be a man just isn't there. There are some beautiful things about my culture, including the depth of the men. I need to wash away my childhood and believe in the good around me. If i could find a man like my grandpa with the best of hearts and souls, my life would be bliss. They being the role models to my relationships, i see where i have gone wrong. I have not searched for the love i crave, i have searched for nothing like it. There is a man i am falling for. When i gave him a call tonight i was nervous. I sent him an email today. Now i'm wondering if i am contacting him too much. This is a good sign. Its a sign that i may be falling for him. I just feel incredibly happy and a weight lifted. I have to just be honest with myself that i've spend the last four months on edge and pretty unhappy. Walking on eggshells. What i feel is relief. Now to let him down gently. When there is no anger left in you and you still care even after crummy things, thats when you know your over it. I could see him with another women. I want him to meet someone else and be happy. I hope he finds his happiness.